3 Things NOT To Do If You Want To Save Your Marriage – The Dr. Joe Show

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You just found out your spouse wants out of your marriage.

You love your spouse. You don't want the marriage to end.

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?!

Before knowing the 3 things you should do, it's very important to understand 3 key things you should NOT do if you are to have any hope for salvaging your marriage.

Unfortunately, most people do one or more of these three and put their marriage into greater jeopardy. It's extremely important to know what they are, understand why they cause more problems, and why you should not do them…or stop doing them.

In this program, Dr. Joe Beam and his special guest, relationship expert Jim Pourteau, discuss three key things to avoid. They explain what they are, why people do them, and why they have greater negative effect than positive.

If you love your spouse but s/he does or says any of the following:

– wants out of your marriage

– says s/he no longer loves you…or that s/he never did

– is involved with someone else

– claims s/he just wants to be alone

– is cold and distant

– seems like a different person

– is harsh and angry

Then you need to hear this program…AND the next podcast in the series "3 Things To Do If You Want to Save Your Marriage." (available beginning Sep 11, 2017)

For more marriage and relationship resources, go to www.MarriageHelper.com or call 615-472-1161. To ask Dr. Beam a question to be answered in a future podcast, go to .

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23 thoughts on “3 Things NOT To Do If You Want To Save Your Marriage – The Dr. Joe Show

    1. Thank you for your feedback. Here is a quick recap of the main points Dr. Beam discussed:
      -Don’t let your emotions rule you
      -Don’t listen to everybody
      -Choose a counselor wisely
      (There are certain ways we describe how to choose a counselor- start listening at 32:10)

  1. Simple but not easy to do, “be angry and sin not”. What our FIRST RELATIONSHIP (parents/guardians) sometimes (and in my case they screwed up big time) fails to do is to teach us how to love, including love of ourselves, and they mess up on the fact that we are ALLOWED to have emotions such as anger, hurt, disappointment, loneliness, and many more AND THEN REACT LOGICALLY. My parents taught me and told me I was not allowed to have feelings or talk about them EVER. Oh how WRONG they were. I couldn’t even show happiness too much (you have to be seen and not heard was their favorite saying). GRRRRRR! I feel like having a fit of rage (but I won’t of course) (react logical/rational) and having a fit of rage would only hurt myself. Now a good cry (that is what is cleansing).

    1. If you have children just teach them how to loving themselves since your parents screwed up. There’s no perfect parents. If you are one, congrats

  2. I think the “advice” other people give your spouse can cause real difficulties for the same reasons if *you* are trying to save the marriage but friends or even a counsellor of thiers is telling them to take the (apparently to them) easy route and walk out of the marriage.

  3. What do you do when your spouse doesn’t want the marriage anymore or doesn’t even want to go to counseling… how can you still try to save your marriage?

    1. Watch the video on SMART contact and the podcast focusing on PIES it’s as much for your mental health whilst simultaneously helping your relationship… Good luck with everything xx

  4. I agree of not listening to your friends cuz they can give you the wrong advice. My husband & I have been separated for almost 4 months with him being in lemerance with another woman. He thought I was in love with someone else which was never true. But resulting in him losing interest in me & our family. I’m not giving up & have been using marriage helper on YouTube. A 12 marriage & 14 year relationship with a childhood friend with my husband who I still love very much and will not give up on us, him, our relationship, marriage & family. Even if he doesn’t want to at this time. My best friend & I have been bffs since we both were 5. My husband had missed a visit with our daughter. To be over at 3:00 only to text to say he was going to nap and be over at 7:00. My daughter & I decided to go on with our plans & we would see him tomorrow. My best friend told me now remember that he missed a visit & don’t let him get away it & with messing with your integrity. I had told her first, that was yesterday, second I’m not starting a fight with him, & thirdly he’s not messing with my integrity he is messing with his own. I told her you are holding on to the negative and wanting me to fight with him, which I will not do. When that would not help me save our marriage but push my husband away instead of closer. She actually saw what she had been doing what she was doing in her own marriage that causes conflict between her & her husband. Now I did give him a consequence that if he was late or missed a visit, then he would not be able to visit as often as he wanted for a certain amount of days. If I had taken my best friends advice then it would have caused a more negative energy towards my husband with pushing him further away that he already is. With me telling him it’s not ok to be late or miss a visit with our daughter, that she looks forward & looks up to her daddy. With giving him consequences to his actions that is my integrity. And my integrity is not based on his actions but based on my own actions to the situation. Which he now makes a point to not miss or be late for a visit. Thank you so much for all of your videos they actual do help & work. By working on my daughter & my own lives I believe that this is the roughest thing my husband & I have ever gone through but will have a stronger marriage & relationship whenever all of our issues have been addressed & dealt with the right way. 💜

  5. I love all your advice and am really struggling to show my wife that we can have a future together. As far as I know her relationship ended , but she is still not showing any signs of reconciling. She has just been diagnosed with Bi Polar and is suffering from severe depression, how does this change your advice ?

    1. My wife suffers from the same thing. Somedays are better than others. I’m just starting on this journey. I hope to become a better man after all this. Its so tough to go through this when your spouse’s temper all ways changes. Not to mention manic episodes.

  6. I have been doing anything I feel that he has been trying to get back with me he would have me back already if he 1.Did not listen to his friends .2.Would had listened to me a whole lot about his Deceiteful friends.3.Would not be messing around wemon that Do Deceite .

  7. After watching and listening to youtube for guidance in saving and understanding my marriage. This is the first time I’ve left a comment. Maybe it’s a God thing. But this was the best video I’ve listened to. Great Advice. We don’t know what decision we’ll make right now. We are both strong, resilient, people both both of us are half glass people. We are going to do what we decide is the right thing for both of us. If we do decide on divorce then I pray we can at least come out of this as soulmates who are best friends. We know each other so well, we would be priceless to each other as best friends and who knows what the future holds. I trust in Christ. In Love

    1. @Holly Algeo I agree… Your friends but she’s intimate with someone else. Shouldn’t she be friends with him or her.

  8. my wife said she loves me but it doesn’t feel the same, she wants a divorce .how can i get her to reconnect? she said she is done. she doesn’t want to try to work on the marriage .23 years together

  9. 1.) Don’t let your emotions rule your decision. 2.) Be careful when listen to friends, and 3.) Don’t find a counselor that puts you ahead of the marriage. Get the correct help.

  10. My husband Walk out of the home, one yrs now and with his girlfriend, I’m really hurt and confess, everyday our kids will ask me when Daddy is coming back and don’t even know what to tell them anymore, he can’t call, or text, what should I do now because I don’t want to lose my marriage

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