7 Tips For Saving Your Marriage (Don’t Ignore This Crucial Advice!)

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Hi guys, Brad Browning here with another Mend the Marriage video. Today I’m going to cover 7 tips that will help save your marriage, even if there’s already been talk of a divorce.

Now, before we get started I’d like to introduce myself in case this is the first time you’ve come across one of my YouTube videos. As mentioned, my name is Brad Browning and I’m a relationship coach and marriage expert. I’m also known for my best selling Mend the Marriage program, which teaches folks like you how to rebuild your relationship with your spouse, and ideally save your marriage.

After watching this video, I encourage you to leave any comments or questions you may have in the section below. I always try my best to respond to all comments, so please go ahead and share your feedback.

OK, let’s get started. You know the saying, “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes happily ever after”? End of story, right? Not quite… While it's true that couples relax a bit after they’ve said their vows and tied the knot, the reality is that they may also find themselves puzzled if their fairytale starts slipping away.

Many people think that marriage is about marrying the right person, so when things start to go wrong they begin to worry that they’ve accidentally married the wrong person. Although you do want to marry someone you’re compatible with, marriage has a lot less to do with marrying the right person than it has to do with doing the right things with the person you married. In other words, relationships are a constant work in progress. If your marriage seems to be rocky, try these tips to restore the happy connection that made you say "I do" in the first place.

Analyze Yourself

A common assumption is that it takes both partners to save their marriage. This seems reasonable, but it just isn’t true. Unless your spouse has truly and completely given up on the relationship, it is possible for you to make sufficient changes to save the marriage. Perhaps not immediately, but over time it’s inevitable that the unhappy partner will notice the positive change in your behaviour and will respond to it.

Whether you know it or not, you and your spouse communicate in a revolving stimulus, a response pattern if you will. This means that when you do or say something, the stimulus and your partner reacts, and then you react to their reaction, and so on. The same thing occurs when your partner says or does something… the two of you have built up a pattern of habitual actions and reactions over time.

Since a couple is comprised of two individuals, a change in the behaviour of one person will have an impact on the other, and therefore the entire relationship. When the stimulus changes, there will be a new, different response. That new response will elicit another new and different response. If this happens enough, a new pattern of behaviours will emerge. Assuming the new actions and reactions are positive, the relationship takes a positive turn.

For example, if you have developed a habit of being disrespectful towards your spouse, she will have developed some kind of reaction or coping mechanism. If you stop disrespectful behaviour, she won’t need to use her coping mechanism, and her reaction to you will chance.

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42 thoughts on “7 Tips For Saving Your Marriage (Don’t Ignore This Crucial Advice!)

  1. I need too buy your book and I have NEVER EVER said that about any marriage or life in general book. love can wait to get the book !!

  2. me and my husband are in our 20s. we started out bad and there is trust issues and a little disrespect. he’s never wanted a divorce but I have brought it up because it becomes overwhelming. I’m insecure because of the broken trust and although I do want to work it out idk how to trust him again. he says he wants to change but I’m not sure if he understand what needs to be changed. we have talks about our relationship often but it just gets us a tiny tiny bit progress. honestly I know it’s me pulling us back because when he messes up I hate him more and more and I can’t let it go. part of me wants our marriage to work but another part of me has given up. what do I do?? what can we do?

    1. I think I have the same situation as you. Before getting married, he had a 3month relatioship with another girl. Been married for 7, knew him for 10, and in the 4th yr of marriage he had a 3yr long affair and now it’s ended. We are in chaos and maybe going to the path of divorce.

    2. roanne tsai I’m sorry to know this. me and my husband are still trying to patch things up but it’s so hard. at times I really do not want to be with him but he doesn’t want to let go. your situation is similar however you and your husband has been together much longer than we have! I hope you stand strong and find the courage to make the right decisions for your SELF first and then the relationship.

    3. CrazYwolf we have 2 daughters so maybe this is keeping us together. I have been unhappy with him and so was he. But he is selfish. And I have more feeling to get out from the marriage than stay.

  3. hey Brad very informative video! So my wife after 16 years and two kids decided she wants a divorce. she tells me she needs space and time to think about things. Well I actually caught her lying to me about where she going and who shes with . shes swears up and down shes not cheating but in the back of my mind i feel she is . there’s a lot of wrong that ive done and i have own up to it to this point but at the same time we never had real communication. My question is how long shall the space time would you consider reasonable? when she is out getting her space every night not coming til early morning should i be concern?

    1. Sorry to hear that, man. The question you’ve asked is purely subjective, though. Do you think she’s just going through a phase? Perhaps her being rebellious because of the wrong things you’ve done in the past? Fighting fire with fire isn’t ideal, but depending on the role that you played in contributing to her acting this way, this may (or may not, again it depends) warrant her behaviour. Just give it time and try to observe first. It’s really challenging for me to know where to give you a headstart, knowing only so little of the situation… Sign up for my Mend the Marriage coaching program so I can help take a look at all the other factors at play and find out what’s really going on, monitor your situation, and guide you on a regular, ongoing basis at www.marriageguy.com/coaching

  4. how to save it when both cheated but the woman not no more since 2003 but the guy just now stop 2017 I hope and how to trust and have fun again we don’t want to let one another go so this is something we want for us both.

    1. What drove you both to be unfaithful? And what steps have you taken to rebuild your relationship? Since this is particularly a unique situation, so sign up for my coaching program so I can help assess your situation clearly, look at all the other factors at play and see things you might have missed, then guide you accordingly on a regular, ongoing basis at www.breakupbrad.com/coaching

  5. how to fix my husband habit that loves to look at other women and rubbing it to my face that he loves to do so? i’ve never been the sensitive type but when your own husband telling you that he interested in other women everyday, you totally would go insecure and started to think negatively.. i appreciate his honesty and i trust him to stay but it’s mentally hurting me.. help me?

    1. Communicate your feelings to him. You’re in a marriage and he has a right to know all about your feelings, including your insecurity. Be vulnerable to him. 🙂 Anyway this is why I’ve released a second book called Mend the Marriage. Check it out at  http://www.marriageguy.com  as everything is on there, from how to communicate more effectively, down to how to handle the kids, monitor your progress through worksheets and stuff. These videos are for you, too:  http://y2u.be/ij6__SVcMW8  and http://y2u.be/z262BzLvwAk or sign up for my Mend the Marriage coaching program at http://www.marriageguy.com/coaching Take care!

  6. Hello, Brad, my name is Mark my wife and I are currently separated we still are married and we been married for 14yrs we have a 2yrs old kid and we never been with anyone else than our self. she left me because of two reasons one I never put her as my first priority she believes that my mother was my first. Two I cheat at her not physical I never had sex or anything physical and she knows for fact that is true but I did cheat as texting to this girl a lot never send nude or anything sexual. She says she lost trust and she says that she doesn’t thing she will never get back with me because of does two reasons she now been going out with not good friends and she keep saying that she wants to explore to see what is out there. Myself just focusing on putting my life straight and become a better man. but I do want my wife back but don’t know what to do she makes it so hard. hope you could help.

    1. Getting her to forgive you may be tough, man, but if you’re willing to give it a shot, then start with this vid: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j–Pzmw3L4c&t=285s Was there any mention of a divorce? It’s really challenging for me to know where to give you a headstart, knowing only so little of the situation… Sign up for my Mend the Marriage coaching program so I can help take a look at all the other factors at play and find out what’s really going on, monitor your situation, and guide you on a regular, ongoing basis at www.marriageguy.com/coaching

    2. She try getting the divorce in the beginning of our separation but she didn’t go through and she hasn’t motioned any more. I’m reading your book right now MENDMARRIGE and is been helping me. right now thing are going good were getting along she say we are Co-parenting I have stay overnight a few time and we been intimate but she told me the only reason why she wont go back with me is because she doesn’t trust me she thinks I will do it again. sorry if I don’t make my self understand good my English is not 100%.  thank you for you time I got you MENDMARRIAGE and you EXFACTORMALE great books. ones again thank you for your time!.

  7. So I have made a positive change, getting my health on track, all it has done is made him pull away?

    1. It’s like saying you’re putting away money at the bank but end up broke, it’s contradictory. If you think hard enough, those things you’ve been doing couldn’t be the reason. So evaluate things in your relationship and the roles you’ve BOTH played that led to the breakup, okay? Depending on which phase you’re in and how you’ve acted after the breakup, you may have to give it more than 30 days. You’re also welcome to sign up for my coaching program if you’re unsure how to go about this or you’re planning to do something but not sure if it’s a good idea or not, etc. but I would have to look a the situation as a whole in order to give solid advice, at www.breakupbrad.com/coaching

  8. my husband says he feels like his heart is changing. he says he loves me but he don’t know if he’s in love with me anymore

    1. Hi Kara! Sorry to hear about it. But you know what… you can make him fall for you again. I think my Mend The Marriage program can help you save your marriage. So please sign up ASAP through this link: http://www.marriageguy.com/fbuy
      Looking forward to hearing from you!

  9. hi Brad,
    well I found some messages on my husband phone from another woman I confront him and he confessed that he cheated on me and that it was only 1x that the girl told him she didnt wanted anything serious with him i asked him why he cheated at first he said he didn’t have an answer for me then I asked him again his excuse was just because I didn’t cook for him one whole week. we have a daughter with special needs and she was hospitalized thats why i didn’t cook not because i didnt wanted, after I found out I’ve been trying to work on my marriage I’ve been trying to do the best that I can to move forward because I want to save my marriage but now he acts like he’s hurt he makes it seem like I cheated I’m the one trying to do everything to convince I want this relationship to work he acts like he’s really hurt he gets home doesn’t really talk to me before he would call during work to check on me and the kids I don’t get that like if I was the one who cheated when I didn’t he was the one he got caught and ever since then it’s just so hard to fight for this relationship I don’t know if just to walk away or continue fighting he doesn’t show no emotion he’s always been like that he says he loves me but if i leave his not gonna run after me i don’t know what else to do even though we live together I always send him good morning messages during the day I still check on him to see how his day is going I still cook and do his lunch take care of him but there’s days that he comes home and doesn’t talk to me there’s days he does, he tells me if I leave to do it when he’s not at home then when he sees boxes he tells me to stay and says he believes this relationship can work then he tells me why don’t I leave and leave all my stuff I don’t understand him he tells me to stay and I believe he’ll change I have hopes but than there’s day his way of being so shady hurts me because he tells me one thing and his actions are different I feel like I’m in a toxic relationship ?

    1. That’s just terrible! Sorry to hear that. I think there may be something deeper going on though, other than you not “cooking” for him. It’s time to address those issues. How long have you two been married and how has your sex life been? Sorry, I know it’s a sensitive topic. But when did all the trouble started and what has caused it? These may help: http://y2u.be/WU0yhd3ADXU and http://y2u.be/W_vzHFqnasM but it’s really challenging for me to know where to give you a headstart, knowing only so little of the situation… Sign up for my Mend the Marriage coaching program so I can help take a look at all the other factors at play and find out what’s really going on, monitor your situation, and guide you on a regular, ongoing basis at www.marriageguy.com/coaching

  10. Hi Brad, I don’t have the greatest attitude towards my husband. I often talk to him in a negative tone I dont realize this until he points it out or gets really angry at me, only then will I realize I need to be nicer and treat him with respect. For example, if he tells me to do something, I would reply “Well you didnt do that either” something along that line. He feels he does everything for our family, yet I just give him bad attitude and take things for granted. I grew up with an abusive father, that is not a reason to justify my behaviour, but somehow I dont get offended if someone talks to me with an attitude. How do I remind myself not to treat my husband like that? He told me one time that he feels like this marriage will end sooner or later, whats the point to continue. That struck me, I love him and I am scared to lose this marriage. What should I do?

    1. Well, awareness is key, so you at least have a greater chance of turning things around now. Keep it up! 🙂 I suggest to practice. Now that you admit that there’s a problem with how you treat him, it’s time to be mindfully aware of your actions/words. For example, if you find yourself starting to get upset at him, then make it a point to practice and remember how you have a tendency to lash out at him. It’s not gonna be perfect the first few tries, but being aware of it is awesome!

  11. Me and my husband are going to take some time away from each other we said a month. There was infidelity from his end twice both time I was pregnant and I took it really hard. I threaten to leave but never did so I’m hoping this time will allow us to think clear and see if we really want a divorce. Is this a good idea?

    1. How are you holding up? Yes, give yourselves some times first if that’s what you need. Take time to clear your head and get some peace. Take care!

  12. hi Brad my name is Desiree I am currently 27 years old and my spouse is 26 he is in the military we have been married since July 2012. we moved to germany last year after he got his orders well things don’t go as planned. This year my grandma was suffering from strokes, chronic asthma and memory loss. my mom lives pay check to pay check so we thought it would be in our best for us my family if apply for an Erod  which is early return of dependents so I can help my mom. well brad we had our lives planned out what we wanted to do how it would be when I left and everything. I took it hard at first then started to adjust. my spouse on the other hand started drinking going out every weekend and now he is over weight again. so out of anger I told him I’m tired of helping you I give up there were many things said that I should have not said and he had the worst reaction. he stood in his room crying for days because he thought I gave up on him. for seven years the day after we got together we have woke up together and basically did everything together. for our anniversary this year I wanted to surprise him by coming to Germany but the damage was already done. He told me he wants a divorce, he needs space and time. I panicked and still came this was the worst thing ever everyone could see that we are not the same. I feel like he can’t stand to be around me. I feel like a germ to him. he told me to stop talking about the divorce it’s not something he wants to discuss but my emotions get the best of me and it comes up. he says he wants me in his life but as soon as divorce talk comes up he says it’s because I don’t give him space but being in germany how can I I’m over here staying in friends houses that I met through him it is non of their business what happens between us but obviously me being in a friend house for three days and him not coming over after not seeing him since March is suspicious . He says that it hurts to much to be around me and he’s built a wall up I’m desperate this is my best friend the man I spent 7 years with and I miss him. I miss us.. Please help me get the love of my life back.

    1. It seems like the tension has been building up and your hurling over hurtful words to him was the last straw. How was your communication with him during the time apart? You might want to read my Mend the Marriage book at http://www.marriageguy.com as everything is on there, from how to communicate more effectively, down to how to handle the kids, monitor your progress through worksheets and stuff. If your spouse is picking petty fights though, or making a mountain out of a molehill, then something else might be going on. Watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9GbRm1J7mc&t=18sIf you want to find out your chances at saving your marriage, head over towww.marriageguy.com/quiz and take the free quiz there. Good luck!

    2. thanks for the response. our communication has always been something both of us needed to work on but our love for another has always over shadowed anything. this is the first relationship that both him and i have given out our all to another person and have always put another first. my biggest problem is saying things that I don’t mean at the time of anger then regretting it later. thanks you and I am heading over to the site now

  13. Hay brad I really need your help on this one: in time my wife says don’t touch me but I’m not sure she is still mad or what but what does it mean?

    1. It could be due to a lot of things. As her husband, has she ever not told you that before? She could be tired or not in the mood or doesn’t feel up to it, especially if touching her always leads to sex. Not knowing any better though, it’s hard to tell for sure. Have you had just came out of a fight? Man it’s really challenging for me to know where to give you a headstart, knowing only so little of the situation… Sign up for my Mend the Marriage coaching program so I can help take a look at all the other factors at play and find out what’s really going on, monitor your situation, and guide you on a regular, ongoing basis at www.marriageguy.com/coaching

    2. Brad Browning ok I’ll get to it and one thing is maybe she says that since we have no have intimacy for awhile she feels as if there’s something wrong with her body that I don’t like and I didn’t seem to want more sexual life. Guess she isn’t confident in her body anymore?

  14. Thank you!! Just when I was about to give up I decided to look up marriage counseling then you popped up and this is just what I needed!!

    1. Glad to be of help! 🙂 These may help: http://y2u.be/WU0yhd3ADXU and http://y2u.be/W_vzHFqnasM but it’s really challenging for me to know where to give you a headstart, knowing only so little of the situation… Sign up for my Mend the Marriage coaching program so I can help take a look at all the other factors at play and find out what’s really going on, monitor your situation, and guide you on a regular, ongoing basis at www.marriageguy.com/coaching

  15. Hi Brad, I’m using my friends account, I am married for 2 years, he is always acting cold to me doesnt communicate and gets angry very fast. i
    already tried distance i went on vacation for a week when I came back he has showed that he missed me but it lasted a week or less and now he is again like before I left. I have tried almost everything. And I did improve myself and act positive against him still.. The problem is this is my second marriage so I hang on. But Im beginning to notice I get sad all the time. But I know I am so strong and will survive no matter what

    1. I hear you, Canan. You don’t have to go through this alone, though. This is why I’ve released a second book called Mend the Marriage. Check it out at  http://www.marriageguy.com  as everything is on there, from how to communicate more effectively, down to how to handle the kids, monitor your progress through worksheets and stuff. These videos are for you, too:  http://y2u.be/ij6__SVcMW8  and http://y2u.be/z262BzLvwAk or sign up for my Mend the Marriage coaching program at http://www.marriageguy.com/coaching Take care!

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