Not only is the question, “Can one spouse save the marriage?” But, "Should one spouse even try to save the marriage??"
If your spouse wants out, shouldn’t you just let them go?
On many of our videos about fixing your marriage, or recovering from affairs, there’s backlash… there’s disagreement…and we absolutely understand why! It’s PAINFUL when you go through this.
A few years ago, one man contacted us, saying, “My wife is having an affair. She doesn’t love me anymore, she’s moved out, and she’s totally changed her personality…and…she’s pregnant with another man’s baby.”
This man’s wife was living in a different state and had blocked his number. It seemed HOPELESS!
So could he save his marriage alone?
Yes… but it would NOT be easy. He had to stop doing what pushed his wife away, and start doing things that would attract her back. He needed to understand what was at the core of their marriage issues. Not only that, but he needed to understand his wife’s perspective and learn how to communicate more effectively.
So what happened next?
At this point in time, he only saw his wife at the divorce proceedings. He couldn’t make her talk to him- he couldn’t make her do anything. You cannot control another person. So what did he do? He worked to become his best self, he learned what went wrong- owning it, and he held fast to a vision of what the future could be.
At the FINAL divorce hearing, his wife noticed something different in him…
She pulled him aside and they talked! He apologized for what he had done wrong, he forgave her for the affair, and he even said he would love the child of hers as his own. And, they started working on things!
Here’s the thing, marriage can enter a downward spiral. We can allow past hurt to become resentment. We can believe we married the wrong person. We can even think there’s no use in one spouse wanting to work on the marriage.
But what we know at Marriage Helper is that hope exists! By teaching you the best things that work it increases the likelihood that your spouse will pause, or even consider making the marriage work! And, we would love to help! We have online courses, coaching, and workshops.
It takes time. It takes work. But it’s ABSOLUTELY worth it!
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