Can Separation From Your Spouse Help Save Your Marriage

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— Can Separation From Your Spouse Help Save Your Marriage

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to my latest marriage-saving advice video. I am Brad Browning, a breakup and marriage coach from Canada…

Preventing divorces and healing broken marriages is one of my passions, and it’s also what I’ve been doing every day for 11 years or so. In this video, which I’m going to keep as brief as possible, I’ll answer one of the more interesting questions I’ve received from a client this week… “can separating from your spouse actually help you save your marriage?”.

It’s a great question indeed, and a controversial one among marriage counselors and therapists. Some experts and academics think separating can help a couple recognize what they’d lose if they were to get divorced, others think it’s an unproductive and dangerous waste of time.

First of all, I’d like to clarify one thing: it would, obviously, be ideal to avoid letting your marriage slip to the point where you’re considering separation, or even already separated and considering divorce, in the first place. But you knew that already, didn’t you?

So, aside from getting into Marty McFly’s Delorean time machine, you can’t undo the past. You’re stuck with a marriage in crisis. Your spouse suggests separation…. Or maybe you’re considering it…. Or you’re separated already even though you never wanted to be apart in the first place.

What does this mean for your chances at re-building a happy, lasting marriage? In my opinion, in many circumstances, a bit of time apart can be extremely helpful. Now, don’t put me in the “separation is helpful” camp just yet, because I don’t really feel that way in all situations…. But I do think that it can be a positive thing in some cases.

Why? Well, for starters, a marriage that’s falling apart is usually stuck in a negative feedback loop. In layman’s terms, you and your spouse keep doing the same things — things that are damaging your marriage in one way or another, whether your realize it or not — and until you break the cycle and get out of that rut, nothing is going to change. And an unhappy marriage needs to change, or it won’t survive.

So separation is obviously one way to break the cycle, at least temporarily. Let’s say, for example, your jealousy was a major cause of your spouse’s unhappiness in the marriage… you often became jealous, lashed out, created a toxic environment of mistrust, and that led to your spouse feeling chained down and frustrated.

Right, and taking a break from the negative cycle that you and your spouse have been trapped in can help. But it won’t help save your marriage in the long term if you pick right up where you left off immediately upon moving back in together… then you’ll soon find yourself in the same situation with all the same problems. So separation can help in the short term, but you need to make changes to break the cycle permanently if you want to solve things and remain happily married for years to come.

Another benefit to spending time apart? You can put an end to bickering, fights, and petty disputes that sometimes come to dominate day-to-day life. It’s hard for your wife to get mad about you failing to wash the dishes after dinner if there are no dirty dishes to wash…. And it’s hard to bicker over stupid little things, the way many couples do incessantly after years together, if you’re not actually together. That sort of thing may eventually make its way back into your marriage once you begin living together again, but a break from the day to day drama and conflicts can be a huge help that sometimes rejuvenates a relationship enough to get both spouses to put in more effort and make the marriage work.

If you struggle from that kind of bickering, petty arguments, and general hostility towards one another, I suggest you employ some of the simple techniques I describe in the full video on my website, MarriageGuy.com… watch to the end to learn a few super simple ways you can defuse or prevent those arguments, without needing to separate. Again, my dispute defusing tips are at www.MarriageGuy.com, so watch that video after this one is over.

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51 thoughts on “Can Separation From Your Spouse Help Save Your Marriage

  1. You told me to get over my ex and I did, soon after I used some of the tricks you gave in your videos and I fell for a guy. He ended up liking me and we’re together! All thanks to you~

    1. sᴜᴋɪ ᴅᴇsᴜ // sᴀᴋᴜʀᴀ ᴍɪᴋᴜ sʜɪᴘs That’s lovely when one can trust wisdom and benifit exponentially

  2. Heyyy bradd i did the no contact for 30 days and gave her enough space. This time she said she has moved on and doesnt see us getting back together. She said that both of us should be friends forever. However, i asked for a meetup to catch up and she agreed. My question is how do i change her mind and want me again? Thanks bradd

    1. One thing that most people don’t realize is that they hold the key. Have you been actively trying to get your ex back? Don’t wait for this person to have an epiphany. If you want your ex back, then keep track of what you’ve been doing to see if it’s productive or not. Here’s a quick overview: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgR03RcU8mw and it’s best to go by the golden rules here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kJ1ybuFIHE Have you checked out my guide yet? It may be time to revamp your techniques. Before anything else though, take the free quiz on my website to gauge your chances of getting your ex back. Answer as honestly as possible, at http://www.breakupbrad.com/quiz Good luck!

  3. My husband had in mind separation when he just told me that I was visiting my parents, once I was here he asked me for a divorce, sure I started that because he never paid attention to me, but he cried because he had in mind that I wasn’t coming back, I tried the no contact rule but my sister asked him for a favor and he came to me because he wasn’t (supposedly) gonna be able to help her (he could she talk to him at that time and he answered) so I just said yes and keep the no contact rule, my question is do I still have chances of getting him back? I decided to use this month to move on, but I still need to have contact with him because of financial circumstances, the thing is that he said he wanted to move on but that he was being patient to see what was gonna happen; he still get jealous over guys chasing me, (because there are one or two, one even gave me a kitty lol, you know a single woman is fresh meat) but he hasn’t make advances and even kinda cut communication with my sis, he does communicate with her but not as much, my question is do I still have a chance to get him back? I’m using the no contact rule, and it worked last time but I messed it up so I’m using other one for a whole month, so do I have chances to get him back? The quiz got the result fading fast so I wonder if it’s worth it. Brad I need your help, if you answer I would appreciate it because I’m desperate to make a decision. Thank you and nice video by the way

    1. Mina Lumina if you love him go get him, sit down and talk things thru to see what path to take, love is more than just an emotion its an action word.

    2. You ought to create some space between you first, whenever possible. A lot of things needed to happen, including him making up his mind. These are my top two marriage videos which may help: http://y2u.be/WU0yhd3ADXU and http://y2u.be/W_vzHFqnasM but it’s really challenging for me to know where to give you a headstart, knowing only so little of the situation… Sign up for my Mend the Marriage coaching program so I can help take a look at all the other factors at play and find out what’s really going on, monitor your situation, and guide you on a regular, ongoing basis at http://www.marriageguy.com/coaching

    3. Mike Haniuk I’m trying to take things in a calm way, I’m a very intense woman and I realized now all my mistakes, I hope I can move on but still give it a try, in case he says no I won’t feel so bad, but I do love him, I do realize that now

    4. Brad Browning Thank you very much Brad, unfortunately I still have to wait for a job interview and once I get it I wanna sign in for coaching, I really think he still have some hopes for me to change, the problem is that I have Obsessive compulsive disorder and that caused a lot of problems, I’m getting medicine now and feel a lot better, but I gave him a whole month, that means I will talk to him until the 24th of this month or the beginning of next one, thank you for your advice, I hope I can save my marriage with some help and changes in the way I behave

  4. Hi Brad, after following ua advices i managed to get my love back three weeks ago. The problem is that he is not charming like b4 he has changed so much, he is not the man i used to know and wen i asked him he said he is ok and he loves me so much yet i feel there is something he might b hiding from me. What do i do.

    1. Innocent Kenyan no expert in this department but I say talk to him ask him if there’s anything bothering him if anything is wrong. and ask if there’s any way you can fix it before things get outta hand.

  5. Brad your coaching has changed my perspective so much with my separation! I thank you so much for all the advice you’ve provided me with over the last several months. Although my husband hasn’t come back yet because of GIGS, I finally feel like I can focus on myself and be the best version of myself and hopefully when he wakes up it will help him come back and ask for forgiveness! I’ve managed to move to a new country, go through separation, land A new job, lose weight, change my appearance and better my anxiety all while adulting. All party of the process. Much love man ✌?

    1. Yes, consider that as a blessing in disguise! Blocking you could just be your ex’s way of coping so I wouldn’t worry too much about it if I were you, at least not initially. If you stayed blocked after months though, then that’s another story, especially if you have no other means of communication. More about that on here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UT92IB5ugs&t=300s Anyway social media should be the least of your concerns. Focus on all three phases and your ex may naturally unblock you, in time, as you learn to rebuild that attraction and re-attract this ex back to your life.. Here are the basics of all three phases to getting an ex back: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeGNPBdpnsI and social-media wise, here (but then again, don’t let it become your sole focus) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1GpR5MApQk Good luck!

  6. Listening is an important skill, both for a counselor and a spouse. But a broken marriage needs leadership. After listening, someone has to have the courage and experience to say. Marriages change not because of what people say or how well they listen; marriages change because of what people do.

    1. Counsellors and coaches can only do so much. The people being coached need to do the actual work. We can only guide the way, you have to be the one to walk through it. 🙂

  7. Hi Brad, I started the no contact rule but 6 days in I ran into my ex at a coffee shop, we had a quick chat, I stayed calm, happy, didn’t discuss the breakup and she spoke the most, I flirted a bit, even dropped a subtle inside joke we had and she blushed, it went really well, after a couple of minutes I said I better get going but it was great to see you. I haven’t contacted her and it’s been two days since that encounter, did I do the right thing? Thank you for all your help.

    1. Yes! Nice move, man! Now continue on with the “no contact” rule until you’ve reached the 30-day mark, before proceeding to the second phase. 😉 It seems like you’ve done your research, but if your situation is unique, you can work with me one-on-one so I get to learn more about the situation and therefore be more equipped to help you out, at http://www.breakupbrad.com/coaching

  8. i paid for your program. lost my id and password….sent emails..no response….and the link to recover my password is broken…

  9. By any chance do you have any ways to get over a ex that you still have strong feelings for? Or am I pretty much screwed?

  10. My ex is blowing up my phone by calling and pleading me to pick up 2 days after no contact. (we brokeup 2 days ago too) she says she wants to fix things. ive been ignoring the texts and not picking up the calls. should i still do no contact?

    1. Neel Hitler if you think it’s will help the relationship grow but if not see what she has to say and see what you want

    2. If you want her back, then she’s clearly stating she’s wanting to fix things, so perhaps give her a chance? Always try to see if your ex sincerely wanted you back and it’s shown in their actions, though, so don’t get ahead of yourself.

  11. Hey, Brad. I just got back with my girl after I followed your advice. And I’ll be damned if I loose her again. How can I prevent it, and keep the relationship going strong? I love her more than any other girl I’ve ever been with. She’s amazing and I don’t want to have to say good bye to her ever again. We’re long distance by the way, and as of right now, takeing it slow. And not rushing things.

    1. How did you do it my girl and I were dating for 3 years and 9 mouths and then just broke up with me she gave me reasons but I really want her back can you help I’m all over her Instagram wall still and we have been apart for over a month

    1. My channel is all about getting an ex back. When you’re shopping for cars, you don’t really go to your local drug store for it, do you?

    1. Thanks for the support. If it’s not too much to ask and if you haven’t done so yet, please like, share, and subscribe to my channel so you won’t miss any of my upcoming videos. I’d really appreciate it! 🙂

  12. Brad , I have begged for my ex to come back a lot and after seeing your videos I made up my mind to maintain the no contact period. I sent him a clean slate text and he replied saying “okay”. Is that a good sign or a bad sign ? Please reply Brad !

  13. So my case we have been separated for almost a year, and now he has expressed that he has realized that what he wanted he had all along, easy for him to say he moved in with another woman! now he wants to start over and move in back together, what to do? how to know? it was hell and back for me, but i do feel for him still and part of me wants to try one last time, is it worth it??

    1. Only you can tell for sure if it’s worth it. 🙂 Does he seem genuine in trying to get you back via his words and actions… or was it basically just to ease the pain from his most recent breakup? If they haven’t broken up yet, it’s usually an indicator that things haven’t been going well in their relationship lately, though.

  14. Brad my wife wants to separate I tell her she deserves a break from me we have been married for 10yrs and in a couple of days I am moving out, I am so scared to loose her she is the best girl I have ever been with please help what can I do???

  15. My husband fell for another woman two years ago, but nothing happened between them and because we have a son we worked things out. We still had ups and downs but our relationship became more open and friendly. Now I am pregnant with our second baby, but the story is repeating. I found out he was about to cheat on me, and I gave him the freedom to do it, I kind of don’t mind if it’s just sex. But it’s not just this, now he wants his freedom, to have his own space. He wants us to be still together (only if I want to) and live together but more as friends who are raising their children. We are about to separate our apartment, he is going to sleep in one room with our son and I’m going to be in the other with the baby. I kind of accept it, but I can see he is growing apart from me. He is regularly seeing this other woman (who is much older then him, but he said he likes her company, they are sleeping together, but he doesn’t want anything more than that with her) I know it’s unusual for me to be ok with that, but I am and all I wish is to save my marriage and to keep my family. I just don’t know what to do…

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