Can You SAVE Your Parents Marriage – with JP Sears

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Can You SAVE Your Parents Marriage
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Is Saving Your Parents Marriage Possible?
When seeing your parents marriage headed for divorce, it's very normal to have a deep instinctive reaction to want to save it. Most of us have the first world that we experience to be that of our parents. When they separate, even years later, it can be as scary and destabilizing as having your world split apart. In this video I discuss if it's healthy and even possible for a person to save their parents' marriage.

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35 thoughts on “Can You SAVE Your Parents Marriage – with JP Sears

  1. It truly sucks to be an adult child who is constantly thrown in the middle. It’s taken me a while to realize that I can’t fix anything between them…I’ve even stopped trying to give my mom advice (my dad isn’t very touchy feely so him and I don’t talk about deep things often). So now when my mom needs to talk I simply listen. Thank you for reiterating that I’m powerless, and that’s the way it’s gonna be.

    1. +AwsumSaus All you could really do in my opinion, is support them both in their decision and show them the love you have for them, After all they might be doing what they think is best for them, and if they are happier that way, why not? You word as you know it might change, but just think that their love for you individually won’t change! You will still have your parents, only not together. If you try to save their marriage, and it dissolves anyway, you might end up giving yourself a sense of blame or failure (i could’ve done something). Plus it might cause more pain for them too. Just be there for them, as I’m sure they will be there for you too. It does hurt, it is hard, but I’m sure you will still have you have their love, and they yours.

    2. +Arel Nash Well I’ve kind of taken a very neutral stance…I’m not taking my mom or dad’s side…but I just sit and talk with my mom more because my dad is very “he-man-no-emotions” but I still chat with him about not-so-serious things. I’m not sure if either of them are thinking about divorce, but my mom has talked about leaving enough it’s only a matter of time. Either that or they’re both going to be miserable for a very long time, either way it doesn’t seem like a winning situation. We’ll see though…

  2. Thanks JP, my parents split when i was 10 years old or so (17 years ago) and this video helped me examine some feelings my inner child has been holding on to. Also, I find wisdom in little tid bits of thought throughout your videos that apply to even broader experiences. Thanks again!

  3. All one can do in such situation is to suggest some couple counseling. The rest is up to them, because if there is something wrong in their relationship they need to fix it themselves. You can’t do much about it.

  4. Having grown up with horses, you can lead them anywhere. Donkeys, mules, not.
    To get them to drink you have to notice if their thirsty, head nodding, lack of or too much slobber in their mouth, standing near empty trough, stuff like that….’horse sense’ is what we call it. ‘Common sense’ is what we’d call it when people have the ability to sense another person’s need and give them tips on living.

    1. +Steven Lamphear

      Did you have much experience with wild horses?
      I think your experience probably holds true for horses which either grow up around humans or have been broken in.

      However, I think you’ll have trouble leading a wild adult horse to water, let alone getting it to drink. A horse that didn’t grow up around humans. Especially if the few experiences it has had with human were actually traumatic. Why would it trust you?

      As humans, we assume the right to “break” a horse. Even then, with some adult horses it would extremely difficult.

      You can’t “break” a human in that way, we consider it unethical and against human freedom.
      In the military, people (in modern times) voluntarily subject themselves to a process of being broken and disciplined. Even the prison system uses a lot of force and still has a far from perfect record at “breaking” people. Likewise with the church with psychological breaking.

      So, I would say, for many wild horses, without at least some co operation on the part of a wild horse, you can’t lead it to water. Especially using only the types of tools you could ethically use with trying to pursuade humans.

      Go find a thirsty and well trained horse that trusts you, and it’s easy.

    2. +Light And Shadow
      Still cannot MAKE them drink. They have to be thirsty, that’s my point.

      We did deal with all the scenarios you mentioned.

      We had one buckskin mare that was beaten with a garden hose by previous owner. it took about 1-2 years before she would trust us, and us her. Once we made it to that point, she was a fine horse and wonderful to ride. She would still shy at…garden hoses or holes in the ground.

      We also had a young colt that we had to bring up, saddle train, and mouth bit, etc. etc. he did all right too.

      We didn’t ‘break’ our horses, we used ‘treats’ for good behavior and vocal encouragement, extra petting, etc..

      It was definitely a ‘relationship’ thing.

      It also helps to have other horses around to show the untrained one how to behave.

    3. +Steven Lamphear

      It sounds like you have much more experience with horses than I do, probably 100 x as much. So I can’t actually add much to that conversation…

      My main point in replying, was actually in regards to the metaphor JP used in this video about “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink”.

      I agree completely that it’s ultimately the horses choice, you can’t MAKE them do it.

      What I was also trying to say, is that with some humans, you can’t even lead them to water. I presume this would also be hard for a truly wild horse. For example if you round up or lasoo a 10 year old wild horse who has never been in contact with humans before. I don’t know how you would go about training it, but I think it would be close to impossible to do without using some strategies which you could not ethically use on adult humans.

  5. Did my son send you that question? Identical situation here 😛 . From mom’s side… There is nothing you can do,as a child or adult child about divorcing or separating parents. They have tried,maybe they are both miserable. They both love you. All I can say.Life is tough enough as an adult, make sure you keep lines of communication open with both parents. They need your love and support and you need to know your world is not sinking.

    1. Laura I believe with the power of God I can save the marriage of my parents with prayer as I have done once before

    1. +Mojos Bigstick
      It’s seriously so obvious you didn’t watch this video.
      I’ve also noticed whenever someone uses the word grateful, they’re resentful towards someone.

  6. A well trained horse will know to follow you down to the water, provided that the water’s edge is safe and not threatening. The problem is you can even pull its head down so that his lips are touching the water, again, without much trouble, but there is nothing you can say, nothing you can do, nothing you can promise the horse to make it realize you’re going out 10-15 miles that day and there is absolutely no water on the path. It has to want to form suction with the water’s surface and suck. There is *nothing* short of using fluid mechanics and a tool to do get water into a horse that it doesn’t want to.

    1. Why would you assume I was talking about a very tiny percentage what most horses are? Do you think that generalizations just can’t be made because exceptions will always exist? You must be fun at parties.

    2. +TheTroutkitty

      I’m not even really talking about horses. I’m commenting on the value of the metaphor which JP was referencing.

      In other words, the only reason you can lead a horse to water in the first place, is because at some stage, it, (or its ancestors), were broken in with it’s freedom essentially removed. This is not something you can do with humans. Or, as this video speaks about, with someone’s parents.

      You can train a humans to do just about anything without question, for example a soldier, who metaphorically gets a “bit” put in their mouth and is heavily trained to follow orders.
      But that is an artificial scenario where a degree of freedom and rights are removed, just like a trained horse.

      In real life, the metaphor has a lot of similarity with wild horses.

    3. +TheTroutkitty
      What makes you think what I said had anything to do with you? It wasn’t about you.
      Although all the insults in your response had a lot to do with you.

  7. Knowledge is power, thanks for taking the time to post this! Even though Treitan Mellory (google his Simple paper online) already helped me fix my relationship, videos like these are pure gold, cheers!!

  8. my parents are in a bad condition, I haven’t watched the video but I just wanted to type this. I couldn’t do anything *yet.* I will and I will keep my family together I will help them I will keep them happy..because I need them..cherish all your time with your family they are priority. take care of them… I just I couldn’t speak up..I love my parents I don’t want my parents to have a divorce. I CAN’T LET THAT HAPPEN. I am strong and I will be even more. because I am their daughter..I will do everything in my power to keep my Mom happy..please I’m crying just make sure to love,guard,and do everything to keep them happy..I love them..I’m sorry if I made you cry or anything.please just don’t put hateful replies to this comment I just. wanted to let my feelings out..aND that I don’t want anyone else to feel like this. if your alone…Your not. stay happy guys. ♡ -Trixxie

  9. I am going through this, with my parents living in distance relationship and mean and my sister are suffering due to this .

    1. Dahli Lance I liked your comment because I understand but my family is quite the opposite… my parents are going to divorce because my father drinks stays out late and comes home drunk… I’ve tried to convince him to stop… I prayed and prayed and he stopped… for six months… then, my little brother was born and I guess he figured that would be a good time to waste more money on drinks and cigarettes

    2. My father was a drunk, a gambler and a womanizer. He never stopped. My mother took her frustration and anger out on me and was generally neglectful to my younger siblings. I was responsible for my siblings. It is very difficult having to be a kid and assume the role of caregiver at the same time.
      When they finally did split up I was 14 years old. At age 15 I went to visit a family member for a few months during the summer. I returned home to find that my mother had moved out of her apartment but was still paying the rent and bills because she needed to rebuild her credit and she had sent my siblings to live with my father. I spent a year living on my own and looking after myself and then went to Job Corps until I was 18.

  10. Going through exactly this, my parents have been together for 30 years and my dad has attempted suicide from my mom’s abusive midlife crisis actions.

  11. I’m going through this too, my mum doesn’t really know how we feel about it my dad is trying really hard to save his marriage we are still trying to figure out what we should do, me and my siblings are really sad i need help i want to live as a family again.

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