How to Deal With Jealousy In Your Marriage

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— How to Deal With Jealousy In Your Marriage

Good day YouTube, Brad Browning here… welcome to another of my marriage saving advice videos. This time around, I’ll be talking about jealousy, and how to control jealousy in your relationship. This is a huge topic that definitely can’t be covered fully in a single video, so I’m just going to scratch the surface and give you some key tips for dealing with jealousy.

You probably won’t be surprised to hear that jealousy is an issue for many, many married couples. In fact, a recent study of Canadian marriage counselors found that one third of all couples who attended counseling cited jealousy as a primary cause of their marriage problems.

So, clearly, jealousy is a major problem for a lot of married couples. Let’s talk about some ways you can keep jealousy issues in check and avoid it from damaging your marriage.

Before we jump into that, though, I want to explain the difference between normal, healthy jealousy — the kind of benign jealousy that’s present in almost every romantic relationship — and unhealthy jealousy, which is often irrational and highly toxic to a marriage.

Healthy jealousy stems from a sincere care and commitment to a relationship. This is the kind of completely natural jealousy that we all suffer from occasionally… and it’s not something you should be worried about. Recognize that it’s perfectly normal to feel a jolt of jealousy when you see your partner laughing and enjoying a conversation with someone of the opposite sex… we feel these kind of emotions because we’re invested in the relationship with our partners, and we are essentially ‘guarding our territory’.

It’s when people begin to act on these emotions, or when jealousy becomes irrational, that things move into the ‘unhealthy’ sphere. Irrational jealousy is more serious and tends to be a chronic issue that can erode the fabric of a marriage. If your marriage is on a downhill slide as a result of jealousy problems, please visit my website, www.MarriageGuy.com, and watch the free presentation on the homepage. In it, I reveal some little-known facts about marriage and offer some tips on how to begin re-building a healthier, happier marriage… one free of jealousy that will stand the test of time. Again, the URL to watch that free video is MarriageGuy.com.

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50 thoughts on “How to Deal With Jealousy In Your Marriage

  1. I’m in so much pain. My wife is filing for divorce and unfortunately I can’t get her to seek counseling to help. I moved out and I feel she is trying to build a case against me so I won’t get my kids very often. We had issues in this area. I just want my family back. Help me please.

    1. +Joshua Roberts Sorry to hear that Joshua. Really tough situation, I understand how painful and stressful it can be. Unfortunately I don’t have any quick-fix tips for you… basically just have faith in the strategies I talk about in my videos and in my Mend the Marriage program and you’ll be giving yourself the best possible shot at saving your marriage. Unfortunately the reality is that it may not work out, but you’re not at that point yet, so stay the course and I promise there will be a light at the end of the tunnel eventually. 🙂 All the best!

  2. Hey Brad I know this isn’t on subject with your recent video it’s abt the last one. me and my ex have been broke up for almost a month now and ever since then I have begged her to take me back which I felt was not working and I’ve tried everything I can think of, but whenever we do try and talk abt it she has these short bursts of tears with me which I guess means she still cares but she says she doesn’t want to talk abt it most of the time. ok now me and her sorta still live together even though she is gone most of the time at her friends house and now after yesterday she told me she would still help me pay the bills and that I could date other ppl if I wanted but she still says there is a chance we can get back together just not now and she also told me that she wanted to quit her job bc there was a guy a work she liked and she only told me this yesterday even after I asked her if there was someone else so I don’t know what to do or if I still have a chance I can still try the no contact strategy I just don’t know how to start it off?

    1. +Jerod Glover Generally, the more you’ve begged or done any of the mistakes here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tNRL7dWCTA then the more you ought to give it time/space. You ought to give her space, man, it looks like she really needs it. Don’t force things, all right? Watch the free in-depth video on my website to learn some psychology tricks and understand how giving each other space can benefit you (and why you’re supposed to be doing it) than otherwise, at www.breakupbrad.com

    1. +Kennedy Jackson Yes, I received them, along with around 500 emails a day and understandably, my coaching clients take first priority. 😀 Sign up for my coaching program at http://www.breakupbrad.com/coaching so I can put you on first priority as well, especially if this is urgent. The coaching program also helps me keep track of what’s going on since, as you know, there’s more to a situation that can go beyond one or two paragraphs… and I really don’t want to make any wild guesses and/or give advice at the expense of your relationship. Make sense? Thanks for understanding!

  3. post some videos about post no contact …. how to text how to talk then what to do … after that what ? how to knw it’ll work out ?

  4. This is off topic but the guy that broke up with me I’ve done the no contact and it’s been three weeks I started to talk to him and the first time we talked all night I’ve tried texting him a day or two after he didn’t respond Ik he might’ve been busy but I’m afraid he won’t wanna text me again or something please please help me here i don’t know what to do

    1. +April Paniagua Three weeks is to soon,wait at least a month. If you haven’t received a response, it’s also your biggest clue to back off completely and stop texting, okay? Good luck!

    2. +Brad Browning I mean I did the no contact for like a month and we have been talking for like the past three weeks everything was going good and then he just stopped texting me and my guy friends have told me that he told them that he would want to be with me just not now in the future and I don’t know what that means HELP MEEEE I miss him and want him back im afraid if I wait then he’s gonna find someone else PLEASE HELP

  5. Ok Brad. After I broke up with my girlfriend she had sex with a guy less then a week in the break up. We are talking about trying again but I am not sure I can get that image out of my head. Especially when the guy was her friend and she doesn’t want to lose his friendship. I find myself paranoid every time she goes out and I keep thinking she is seeing that guy. What can help with rebuilding that trust and getting those awful images out of my head? after all for a long time she was promising me she was not seeing anyone else.

    1. +Michael Regterschot Rebuilding trust takes time, man. It’s not gonna be easy and may require both your cooperation, but if you’re both willing to work on it, then that’s good! Just take it one day at a time, all right? Before anything else, though, you ought to really see if you can truly forgive her, because you may have to bury the past where it belongs and not let it come up in your future interactions. So the question is, can you really forgive her for sleeping with someone else? All the best!

  6. Hey Brad, what if I’ve found text messages or e-mails on my spouses phone asking for “pics” and what if I’ve found escort or hook up websites in his browser history? Is that justification for jealousy and suspicion?

  7. Hey brad, her best friend is a guy. She keeps talking to him. And doesn’t like when I say something bad about him . I don’t like the fact that she is in contact with him without telling me . How to handle this situation .

    1. Brad Browning i get to the point that when i feel something is off with my marriage that my heart beats fast i get a sick feeling in my stomach…

  8. Ive been married for 2 years and i was with him for 9years but hes jealous of my my women friends he talks poorly of them and tries to paint them as bad influences just so i wont leave the house smh its really hard on me and my friends.

    1. Sorry to hear that. When did this behaviour of his all started? Try to see what has triggered it. It’s unhealthy for him to keep you from your friends, though. He may be controlling, especially if he really has no reason to doubt these women.

    2. Brad Browning its been going on for a while its just unbareable its to the point were i stay with my friend weeks to months at a time i love him but he is very jealous and i cant reason with him on anything

  9. I’VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 20YRS,I HAVE A 4KIDS,UP TO NOW I’M STILL TOGETHER OF MY HUSBAND, THE PROBLEM IS HE IS OVER JEALOUS WITH ME HE IS ACCUSING ME HE SAID I HAVE A MAN BUT THE TRUE IS I DON’T HAVE.SOMETIMES I’M VERY ANGRY TO HIM I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M TO DO.WHAT WILL YOU ADVISED TO ME THANKS.

    1. Try to listen to his side on why he suddenly thinks you have a man on the side. BUT on the twisted side, it’s possible he’s projecting his behaviour onto you…which could mean he’s cheating on you. You might want to read my Mend the Marriage book at http://www.marriageguy.com as everything is on there, from how to communicate more effectively, down to how to handle the kids, monitor your progress through worksheets and stuff. If your spouse is picking petty fights or making a mountain out of a molehill, then something else might be going on. Watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9GbRm1J7mc&t=18s If you want to find out your chances at saving your marriage, head over towww.marriageguy.com/quiz and take the free quiz there. Good luck!

  10. Thank you for your video. I have jealousy issues that stem from an ex husband who cheated, and from siblings always telling me how “ugly” I am, which is actually not true, but when you are told over and over and over when you are a kid it’s like it becomes part of who you are. My husband has a wandering eye. I trust that he would not cheat on me, but my issue is that even if he does not, he is always checking out other women. He is what you would call a rubbernecker. It really bothers me because I know other men like that, and I have always felt so sorry for their wives, so now that my husband does it, it is killing me. I know that men are visual, and when I have brought it up to him he blames his dad. I just wish he would stop when he is with me. It embarrasses me. He says he tries not to, but it’s just who he is so I guess I just have to figure out a way to deal with it. I don’t bring it up often because I know how damaging jealousy is. I bottle it up. I hate it. I am a romantic, and I don’t find that romantic at all. I will avoid going places with him so that I don’t have to witness it. I think this jealousy stems from my childhood and never feeling pretty. I always felt like when someone said I was pretty that they were being nice because they feel sorry for me. Isn’t t hat sad. The fact is that I have never had huge issues with boyfriends noticing pretty girls, it’s the way he looks and how often. I can’t even imagine how bad it is when I am not around. Anyway..long story.

    1. You’re welcome, Mariposa. First off, never let anyone undermine your self esteem. If you’re still kids when you receive those comments, then chances are they’re all kidding. Kids oftentimes often are immature, and is just teasing. Anyway as to your husband, he may not have been aware he’s making you insecure. Have you talked to him about how you feel when he does that? Jealousy can only do a lot of damage if you’re throwing a bunch of accusations his way and blaming him. Otherwise, talking about your feelings in a nice way (pick a good time to do so) can actually help your marriage. If that doesn’t work then how does he feel if you check out other men in front of him? You might wanna do that sometime to test his reaction and perhaps he’d realize stuff about himself. You’re always welcome to try out my coaching program so I can get more details from you and see what’s really going in with you, him. and your marriage.Getting to the bottom of things is important: http://www.marriageguy.com/coaching Take care!

  11. I have a wife who’s jealous & possessive about everything…, about me being nice to my friends, to my parents, to my colleagues, to her friends. She is a cute little thing, then when jealousy kicks in she becomes a incredible T-rex until to the point she hate my friends, hate my parents, hate her friends and she becomes wicked and insensitive in her words bashing them that their bad bad bad as if they’re satan. I am not a guy who always say i love u or your pretty to my wife, i am not also PDA type of person it make me sick when i see one or maybe i just don’t believe in happy endings. My wife was like this before my mistake when she was just my fiance. Don’t get me wrong she is an excellent good wife in every aspect, if the jealousy and self-righteousness wasn’t there she is perfect!… but i still hate when she becomes a T-rex coz i have to hide as fast as possible. Anyway i can’t change her, the only thing that i am happy about is my cute 4 year old daughter but if my daughter grew up into a mini-Trex God bless me… So all-in-all my advise to any person getting married think think think, if your bf gf is a jealous or possessive person run away to Antarctica coz its doesn’t mean he/she love you maybe its mean your a material thing to possess. Prevention is better than cure as always is… Have a great day!

    1. Hey man! It seems like your wife is insecure and it definitely wouldn’t hurt for you to pay her a sincere compliment every now and then. You don’t have to resort to anything you don’t want to do, especially if it’s too much. But does it really hurt to tell her how beautiful she is? She’s your wife after all! 🙂 Instead of hiding, you can try to “defuse” her instead. Play it cool and re-assure her of your love for you. But it’s really challenging for me to know where to give you a headstart, knowing only so little of the situation… Sign up for my Mend the Marriage coaching program so I can help take a look at all the other factors at play and find out what’s really going on, monitor your situation, and guide you on a regular, ongoing basis at http://www.marriageguy.com/coaching

    2. pauladc22 you just described my life to the point, absolutely what my wife is. It’s severely affecting my state of mind

  12. I was not a jealous person… my partner went from room to room to check his phone… n set up different situations to provoke me… I tried to talk to him about the sneaky behaviors… but he accused me of accusing him of something…. he also paid me very little interest or attention… I found out he was sexting and was participating in other inappropriate behaviors…. this has destroyed my blind trust in humans…. I also realized he is a narsasistic abuser and these were all of his games to provoke me…. I’m in a very sad place… I loved him and he abused me cheated on me and has changed who I am…. ?

    1. Beautiful Beloved…. unfortunately he discarded me in his usual cruel way once I found him hoovering and cheating with a married ex….the gig was up…. so yes… I’m away from him… and I’m working on getting healthy… thank you xoxoxo ? ❤

    2. z z i am sorry that has happened.. this is not any reflection on you… anyone who treats another human this way is cruel and has NO HEART… selfish. He has no self respect.. how can he love someone when he does not know how to love himself… some would say that he may love himself too much.. i would disagree.. he worships himself and exalts himself above others… this is arrogance and pride… he is venomous.. i hope whatever caused him to be the person he has become that it be revealed to him by GOD’S Grace… that poisen is not needed and your heart should never be trampled… you are delicate and precious.. get well inside and out… have a healthy relationship with you.. and LORD willing when time is right there will be someone who is ALSO ready for you. GOD Bless you sweetie

  13. I’m divorced going on six years I might get jealous every now and then so what? I more pissed than I am jealous. Because of the way he treated me and now his new wife is his stinking godess

    1. Hi Lori, I think I’ve just answered your concern on the previous/the same video with you asking about similar issues in those comments, it’s best you review those first. 🙂

    2. Brad Browning I’m going to have to check that video thank u for telling me Brad… Best wishes to u, have a great evening

  14. Many couples still naively expect they will get pregnant the very first month they try. And are concerned when a pregnancy does not occur. All of us go through a brief interlude of doubt and concern when we do not achieve pregnancy the very first month we try and we start wondering about our fertility. Unfortunately, while infertility is always an important problem. It is usually never an urgent one. This often means that couples keep on putting off going to the doctor. We’ll take care of it next month. Tragically, many find that time flies, and before they realize it, their chances of getting pregnant have started to decline. Even before they have had a chance to take treatment properly. Remember that everything in life comes back except for time! Before seeking medical help, remember some of the things you can do to enhance your own fertility potential. Body weight, diet and exercise. Proper diet and exercise are important for optimal reproductive function and women who are significantly overweight or underweight can have difficulty getting pregnant. Let medical help be the last thing you will go for. Like the way I did with my husband. We only went to Bio tex after a year of trying.

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