How to Get Your Spouse to Recommit To Your Marriage

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— How to Get Your Spouse to Recommit To Your Marriage

Does it feel like you and your spouse are roommates instead of lovers? Are you worried that they already have one foot out the door? If so, don’t panic.

My name is Brad Browning, I’m a relationship coach from Vancouver, Canada and today I’m going to talk about how you can get your spouse to re-commit to your marriage. A fact that many of us overlook is that being happily married is a tough skill that most of us weren’t taught, which is why it’s completely normal for spouses to hit a bump in the road from time to time. On a regular basis I work with married couples who are working on making a brighter future together, and believe me when I say that as long as your spouse is still there, it’s completely possible to get them to recommit.

Here’s how.

1. Control Your Emotions

When you realize that your spouse isn’t fully committed to your marriage it’s important that you keep your emotions in check. It’s completely normal to be upset about the situation, but blowing up or pleading them to recommit to your marriage will push your spouse further away and make you appear undesirable. Instead, learn to control your emotions so that they don’t see the negative emotions you may be feeling. Doing so can make or break your chances of winning your spouse over.

2. Become the Best Version of You

This may sound a bit odd considering your spouse is the one who needs to recommit, but if you want them to give your marriage another chance then you need to change. This doesn’t mean you need to completely change who you are, but rather change your behaviors that are negatively affecting your marriage. For example, if you have a habit of walking away when your spouse is sharing their concerns with you, then that is a behavior that you need to change. Once you show your spouse that you are willing to work on and improve yourself they will re-engage with you and be more open to giving your marriage another chance.

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51 thoughts on “How to Get Your Spouse to Recommit To Your Marriage

    1. +Sean Fenwick It would be totally unfair for me to say say yes or no…especially not knowing your full situation. Sign up for Mend the Marriage my coaching program so I can help take a look at all the other factors at play and find out what’s really going on, monitor your situation, and guide you on a regular, ongoing basis at http://www.marriageguy.com/coaching

  1. any advice for the long days of discussing and rediscussing issues…? Great video as well, thank you. 🙂

    1. +Jesica Kuhn This is adviseable only when you’re further into the reconciliation process, which varies per case. This is why I’ve released a second book called Mend the Marriage. Check it out at http://www.marriageguy.com as everything is on there, from how to communicate more effectively, down to how to handle the kids, monitor your progress through worksheets and stuff. This video is for you, too:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-6MMmmObcQ

  2. hey brad… i had a breakup last month in 19th april..and now its been almost 20 days after we are in no contact.. we both are having our exams.. n she has her bday in d end of this month..shall i wish her?? i also want her back but

  3. thanks Brad this is a very important video every couple should watch and understand…marriage is hard work but once it is true and real it is amazing…..it takes two to build a strong foundation and once you accomplish that nothing or no one should be able to get in between no matter what…….

    1. I agree with you… and you’re welcome! If you haven’t already, please like, share, and subscribe to my channel so you won’t miss any of my upcoming videos. I’d really appreciate it! 🙂

  4. talk to me about cheating. my husband cheated on me twice. when I traveled for a month, he brought his ex to our house for a whole month. I eventually found out and left him. then he admitted hr made a mistake then I traveled again and he found a new one. this time he fodnt bring her to out home he just kept seeing her after I came back from my trip. of course when he picjrf r up from the airport, I can see it in his eyes and feel it in my gut. I had him followed and I Vought him in her house. I through him out. now he can’t leave Mr alone, doesn’t want take no for answer. he says he still loves me. I love him too but I Dont want to go through life like this.

    1. Hello Karima, sorry to hear you’re going through this. The thing is, he has shown time and time again how he can be so unreliable and how he’s a cheater. The distance may have something to do with it but each relationship needs a compromise, trust and loyalty and you both can’t have that since he’s continuing his selfish ways. Don’t be too available for him if he says sorry because as you already know, sorry just isn’t gonna cut it now. Try to see if he’s really sincere first if you’re willing to give him a chance, this will have to be your choice. If not, then you can move on and not contact him or interact with him forever. 🙂 Good luck and I hope you find the right guy for you soon!

  5. So I did it, Brad. I got her back! Owing a lot of thanks to you, it now feels like the control is in my court. It’s a whole new game now, and I’m still gaining a lot of value out of your videos. Here’s to learning how to keep her this time. Liked and Subscribed, and I’d suggest the same for anyone going through something similar. Owe ya the world, my friend.

  6. my husband cheated on me about 4 times . we constantly argued about it . I ended up getting pregnant and 2 weeks later after we found out he split up with me even though he was super excited . now hes dating a 42 year old woman with 7 kids , shes bringing him down the wrong path. we had a hard time agreeing on things because I’m 18 and he’s 28. he was always coming over to my house and calling and texting me after we split up , we ended up hooking up 4 or 5 times but we were still split up.. he still hasn’t filed for divorce and I’m not sure why because he constantly said he regrets marrying me . about 2 months ago he started threatening me and he went to jail for 3 days because I called the police on him . now we have a no contact order and I am 15 weeks pregnant. he didn’t show up to the last appointment either .. it’s hard because I still love him but I don’t know what to do ..please help

    1. Sorry to hear that. Does he still continue to deal with this other woman at present? Majority would decide to just move on for good and start afresh with someone else, but a few would still fight for the relationship, so this all depends which side you’re in and what your views are. There is no right or wrong answer here because it is your relationship and it’s personal to you. Make sense?Anyway men and women cheat for different reasons, but if you think she’s worth it and if there’s been a genuine connection between you two before the cheating happened, then try to see the roles that you BOTH played that led to all this mess and see once and for all if it can be resolved or not, okay? Really take your time before deciding though and be sure not to make any hasty decisions from an emotional place. Take care!

  7. I’ve been watching some of your videos the past few months and finally subscribed. My wife and I have been married 17 years with two boys (15-10). Our marriage always seemed to have an under tow of difficultly and separation. I pointed it out in the first few years, but she refused to acknowledge it says g I was being negative. Now, years later, we are on opposite sides of a gorge and she is holed up in a walled fort from me. She states that she was “done” awhile ago (yet this was never made known to me). Our marriage suffered the usual ups and downs, yet now she says it was 17 years of “hell”. We both played our parts. Her unwillingness to address tough issues only fueled my resentful and angry nature, which only made her pull away more…..and the cycle continued…. Chicken or egg. Which came first? Anyhow, now she states she’s only here for the kids. She says she still loves me and doesn’t hate me. We still hang out, watch movies together, go out from time to time etc. Yet, I’m out of the bedroom 7 months now sleeping in our basement with little sign of recovery. She is an extrovert with multiple distractions, so marginalizing me to the basement is no issue for her. She refuses Pastoral and professional counseling. Her actions are bizarre. One foot out the door I guess. She says staying would be equally as painful as leaving and that at some point her heart died. I’ve slowly started to detach from her. The apathy is killing my heart. I want my family to survive. I’ve committed to the marriage commitment, and have chosen to love her from a distance. I’ve attended counseling for my personal shortcomings and flaws. I guess time will tell….

    1. Hey man, sorry to hear you’re going through this. Putting up a happy front can be tough, especially for almost two decades. What issues were you referring to that she’s not willing to sort, though? Is it possible that one or both of you is just insisting in his/her own way? I don’t wanna make any wild guesses, but this can go a lot of ways really…and it’s pretty challenging to figure out which is which with the rest of the pieces of the puzzle still not in place. Make sense? Get my Mend the Marriage coaching program so I can help assess your situation clearly, look at all the other factors at play and see things you might have missed, then guide you accordingly on a regular, ongoing basis, at http://www.marriageguy.com/coaching

  8. My wife and I just recently moved apart due to job opportunities. She lives in Texas with our families and I in California. I am proud of her and appreciate the long days she goes through. But I notice that our communication has faded. I find myself waiting for any response – phone, email, text or Facebook. It’ll now be a day or two before she responds. Things have been rough financialy for us as I’ve been building my business but now things are really turning around. Which I also thought would encourage her to reach out to me, still, nothing. Im trying to give her distance, but it’s hard when we’re already having a long distance relationship. I’m confused and hurt and when I brought up my concern, she got mad that I didn’t appreciate how busy she was. Which turned into an argument -. She said that I’m too emotional, a baby, and that she thought she married someone who was more stable both emotionally and personally. Tips? Suggestions?

    1. Glad to know things are starting to look up for you! Sorry to hear about this riff you’re having with your wife, though. Give her the benefit of the doubt and try to let her respond to you in her own time. I mean, you do trust her, right? 🙂 This may help, so watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZ8VMOCidWo But without knowing more, it’s hard for me to give real advice. I suggest you consider signing up for my Mend the Marriage program so I can help look at what’s really going on and if it’s something you should worry about, especially if you think your marriage is in trouble, at http://www.marriageguy.com/coaching Talk soon!

    2. HD You are in a marriage. What kind of a person leaves their entire family and lives in a completely different state and expects to build a solid marriage. You abandoned your family. Your wife is trying to make ends meet without your presence. You should have looked somewhere near. You bought this unto yourself and she was right to blow up on you. You’re supposed to be there with her and go through your problems toegther. Not run away to some other state, play the silent treatment and expect to be in a marriage long distance. Grow up and go back. But let me guess. You won’t. Coz you love yourself more.

    3. As a wife I can tell you that this is not a good idea. Some couples can live apart, most cannot. Absence doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder, it can cement to the other that the partner isn’t there physically,mentally and emotionally. The most common thing that grows out of absent spouse is one spouse grows one way and the other another. Equaling growing apart. I really hope you move back home soon!so you can both recommit together in person. The long distance thing is always iffey, but through all the relationships I seen myself..my personal opinion. It has never worked. I do hope and pray for you. You sound sincere and she sounds like she has strength carrying on without you being home daily. But I would try to be back home or visit as much as you can! I understand the financial thing too, but you have to be together ..together. I really pray things are well and y’all are living together soon! ❤Prayers and love. I might be a stranger but have 18 years of marriage under my belt, I was a teenager,he was older, we lived through addiction. Losing our parents,losing a child, and then another addiction. Love can really conquer all, especially when your best friends. There’s always arguments and squabbles but at the end of the day do you look at them and go i love her or him. That’s what important. We all go through the I can’t stand them or they are just soooo. But if you love them . all this will be memory you giggle to one day. I really do hope things turn out well ! Ill have you in my prayers tonight??

  9. Brad, what options are there when both are worn out, tired, and no longer willing to talk, mend, make an effort?

    1. There’s really no clear cut answer for this, especially with what little info I have about the situation. This is why I’ve released a second book called Mend the  Marriage. Check it out at www.marriageguy.com  as everything is on there, from how to communicate more effectively, down to how to handle the kids, monitor your progress through worksheets and stuff. These videos are for you, too:http://y2u.be/P-6MMmmObcQ and http://y2u.be/z262BzLvwAk or choose to sign up for my Mend the Marriage coaching program at http://www.marriageguy.com/coaching Take care!

    1. You’re welcome! If you haven’t already, please like, share, and subscribe to my channel so you won’t miss any of my upcoming videos. I’d really appreciate it! 🙂

  10. I wish i wouldve seen this video 2 years ago. My wife has said she has been unhappy for the last 3 years. I didnt see it that way, considering our marriage was good and we had our second baby in that time. She recently found an inappropriate text i sent 6 years ago to woman during the first 6 months of our relationship before we got married. Now she has divorce papers and is filling them out this weekend. But she has told me she feels ignored, unheard, and un loved. even though just last month she told me what a great husband and father i am. Im so confused. Now my kids are going to pay the ultimate price of their parents not together. She is unwilling to work on things because trust is long gone. Is there any hope??

    1. Sorry to hear it, man. She’s deeply upset, so follow the tips here first: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYXBzltbx1E&t=44s and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j–Pzmw3L4c&t=285s
      but it’s really challenging for me to know where to give you a headstart, knowing only so little of the situation… Sign up for my Mend the Marriage coaching program so I can help take a look at all the other factors at play and find out what’s really going on, monitor your situation, and guide you on a regular, ongoing basis at www.marriageguy.com/coaching

    2. Welp, she came back from l.a. on friday, friday through sunday she slept with him, took the kids on monday, and slept with him tues, wed and thurs. She filed for divorce on the internet on monday. And she says her relationship with this other man had noting to do woth the dissolving of our marriage. She has been “unhappy” for 3 years. Im a wreck. My 4 year old is confused. She doesnt smile and the her eyes list that spark. My life is spinning out of control. I cant co trol my adrenaline or nervous system. My poor girls.

  11. my husband is more influenced towards his sister and mother. he dont love me. and always say me to die. it will not change him in anyway. i dont know why he hates me so much. not even 1 yr of my mrg is completed. he is not even want to go to counsler. pls look forward to my query.

    1. The outside influence only play a little part, overall. How was your marriage? How long have you two been in a relationship before marrying each other? It seems like he has done a complete 180 here and I’m sorry to hear that. A little background would help, though, as I doubt a guy is so in love with you to the point where he marries you only to have sudden utter despise towards you. Anyway these may help: http://y2u.be/WU0yhd3ADXU and http://y2u.be/W_vzHFqnasM but it’s really challenging for me to know where to give you a headstart, knowing only so little of the situation… Sign up for my Mend the Marriage coaching program so I can help take a look at all the other factors at play and find out what’s really going on, monitor your situation, and guide you on a regular, ongoing basis at www.marriageguy.com/coaching

  12. I wanted to laugh and say, “look, this kid is 18, and going to give advice.” Then I listened. Great tips! I hereby abolish my prejudice!

    1. +thetravelinghermit Good to know! Thanks! I have more videos coming up, so you might want to click that subscribe button.

    1. Yes, but use it sparingly. Don’t use it as a tool to let her not want or get a divorce. It’s a bit tricky, so play your cards right every chance you get. This is why I’ve released a second book called Mend the Marriage. Check it out at  http://www.marriageguy.com  as everything is on there, from how to communicate more effectively, down to how to handle the kids, monitor your progress through worksheets and stuff. These videos are for you, too:  http://y2u.be/ij6__SVcMW8  and http://y2u.be/z262BzLvwAk or sign up for my Mend the Marriage coaching program at http://www.marriageguy.com/coaching Take care!

    2. I AM SO GLAD THAT I REALLY “TRULY” AM ” IN LOVE WITH MY WIFE (MINE)- THIS IS MY FIRST TIME FALLING IN LOVE , I NEVER FELT THIS WAY FOR ANYONE ELSE – SHE IS MY PRINCESS (JAS)

    1. Be calm. Don’t give in to triggers or anger. I know its hard. But be a rock. Remind her you love her and sensitively remind her that this(separation) is not what you want. You want reunification. Be willing for therapy . be willing and calm to sit together with no yelling or blaming or shamming just friendly chat bout what’s wrong and how can we fix. Be willing and able to any conditions you both agree too.if y’all love each other than both will working toward the same goal. Marriage is hard and it can be a job lol. Love is the thing that keeps a lot of it together. Love each other. Work together even when you don’t agree. I hope a pray for you. My prayers to and you your Mrs.’s❤

    2. MsMountaincat thanks for the great advice. I definitely don’t want this separation. I want to come back to my home and work on the marriage. But, she feels like she has no hope for the marriage to work. I think it’s not true. If she truly was done with the marriage, she would’ve said so by now. We are going to sit down with my counselor on Wednesday. I’m hoping he can give us some sort of plan to work on things. I don’t want to fight and blame anymore. I know where I went wrong, and I think she knows where she went wrong. I’m tired of pointing fingers. I just want my wife back. I’m willing to do whatever I need to see that happen. But, she has to be willing to forgive, and let go of past events that hurt her. Until she figures out how to do that, we won’t make progress.

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