— How to Overcome Infidelity In Your Marriage
When someone you love betrays your trust, it can feel like an hopeless hurdle to overcome. But the truth is, with a little tender love and care, and dedication from both spouses, it's completely possible for your marriage to survive infidelity.
My name is Brad Browning, I’m a marriage coach from Vancouver, BC. You may recognize me from another one of my videos, or have heard about my best-selling Mend the Marriage program, designed to help married couples work through their hardships and recommit to one another. But today I’m going to talk about how to overcome cheating in your marriage.
Before we get started it’s important to note that before any progress can be made in repairing the marriage, the unfaithful spouse must first end their affair. Once that’s done, both spouses must commit to repairing the damage, rebuilding trust, and working through the following steps to save their marriage and emerge stronger on the other side.
Here they are:
1. Openly talk about the affair.
In order to move past the infidelity, it’s important that both partners are given the opportunity to share their feelings and get the insight they need to move on. The betrayed spouse should ask questions about the things they need to know. For example, how long did the affair last? Was it sexual or emotional? What was the extent of the lies that were told to conceal it? And is there any risk of an STD or pregnancy? Although they may have the urge to learn the x-rated details of the sexual encounters, they shouldn’t ask. Instead of causing more unnecessary pain, keep the focus on the relationship, not the affair.
It’s also important that the unfaithful spouse shares the thoughts and feelings they had that caused them to cheat. Doing so will help you both understand the underlying problems you face.
2. Practice honesty and work on rebuilding trust.
It’s crucial that spouses provide all details honestly and completely, and take the steps necessary to prove their trustworthiness. Even though telling the truth can be tough, it’s been proven that couples heal better after an affair if the adulterous spouse supplies all of the information requested by his or her betrayed partner. If you never discuss it, you cannot recover. A willingness to talk about the affair will rebuild trust, but if you leave out details and they come out in the future, then your spouse will feel betrayed all over again.
Another great way to work on rebuilding trust is by making sure that your actions match up with your words. For example, if you say, "I love you," back it up with loving actions. If you say, "I want our marriage to work," then commit to being monogamous. There is nothing worse for your partner than to find out they’re being lied to.
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