How To Repair Your Marriage (Without Your Spouses Help)

Go Here Now,To Save Your Marriage!

— How To Repair Your Marriage (Without Your Spouses Help)

What’s up YouTube, Brad Browning here… and in this video, you’re going to learn why it’s possible to repair your marriage by yourself, without your spouse’s help. Maybe you’re skeptical about whether this is actually even possible… but keep watching and you’ll understand why and how this is indeed very doable.

In fact, not only am I going to show you why this is possible, I’m also going to explain how it can sometimes even be preferable to work on saving your marriage on your own, without your spouse being involved or even aware that you’re doing anything differently.

BUT… Before I get into it, please take a second to do me a huge favour and click the “subscribe” button below this video. Don’t forget to click the bell icon as well so you get notified when I release new free advice videos like this one in the future.

OK, now, let’s get started…. And first off, it’s important to understand two key facts:

#1 – Since you’re watching this video, it’s likely that your spouse is unhappy with your marriage as it stands right now.

In other words, your spouse isn’t necessarily unhappy with you, but he/she certainly isn’t pleased with your marriage. That means a positive change to your relationship — whether it’s initiated by you or your spouse, or even if it happens on its own — is likely change your spouse’s feelings about the marriage, and make them more likely to buy back in and re-commit to a future together.

#2 – You and your partner communicate in a revolving stimulus — essentially a “response pattern”.

I know this sounds sciencey, but let me explain briefly what this means, because it’s not really actually that complicated. A “response pattern” is basically just a cycle, where what you do and say is the stimulus. Your spouse’s reaction is the response. You then react to their reaction, and so on.

The same thing occurs when your partner does or says something… you react, they react to your reaction, etc. Over time, the two of you have developed a pattern of these common actions and reactions… but when the ‘stimulus’ changes, the response will also change. This is great news, because it usually means that changing your behaviour will impact your partner’s reaction, and the entire relationship more generally.

Let me explain these two facts a bit further by using a simple example. Let’s imagine that you and your partner always get into arguments about spending holidays with family. Your spouse wants to drive 5 hours every Christmas to have dinner with his or her family, but you hate those big family dinners. Each time your spouse asks you to join for these holiday family trips, you refuse to go or whine and complain about having to attend… and your spouse then becomes upset. A big argument ensues, your spouse threatens to take the kids and go without you, and then the argument spirals into a bigger debate over your general unwillingness to ever do what your partner wants.

In this example, the original issue — or the ‘stimulus’ — is your spouse’s desire to visit family. The reaction is your refusal to do so. Your spouse then reacts to your reaction with a further complaint. An argument follows, and the pattern continues. In the end, you both wind up unhappy, and your marriage suffers as a result of this whole fiasco. Obviously, when this happens regularly, both of you are going to be unhappy with the marriage and your life in general.

Now, I realize at this point you might be wondering…. Ok, how is all of this actually good news for my marriage? Well, simply put, in this “response pattern” that I just described, you have the power to disrupt the negative cycle by making a change to the initial action, or to the re-action. This, by itself, can help you improve the health of your marriage…. All without any involvement from your spouse.

Let’s go back to the example I just described a minute ago… now, what if you had simply agreed to visit your in-laws on Christmas, like your spouse wants? The reaction from your partner in this case would now be a positive one, rather than a negative. The ensuing argument would no longer happen, and therefore there wouldn’t be any negative interaction with your spouse in the first place. This, of course, is going to be a far better outcome for your marriage than if you had put up a fight over the issue. And this all happens without your spouse being aware that you’re doing anything differently.

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42 thoughts on “How To Repair Your Marriage (Without Your Spouses Help)

  1. Please help me, Brad! My ex broke up with me about two months ago, and I still want him back so badly! 😭😭 He’s my classmate and I see him five days a week and sometimes it hurts so much!

    1. I get this question a lot so I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve found your answer before I even get to it — if you’ve checked my other videos, that is. In this type of situation, try to limit your contact with your ex. And by that I mean only interact with him “only” when absolutely necessary. Watch one of the latest videos I’ve posted here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDZrnNh8LOg Your case is actually one of the few cases where the “no contact” rule is an exception…but DON’T initiate random contact in any way and don’t make any unnecessary chitchats, all right?I’ve discussed it in these videos, as well as how to handle it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKhNHhEmYMg but read my Ex Factor Guide because you still ought to go through the basics as well. I’ve posted an overview on how to get your ex back on an earlier vid,check it  out as it’s  all there, but with the guide,  you’ll have an in-depth view on how to go about it, what to do after each phase (there are three phases in total), including what to say, do or not do, etc. since good timing is essential at http://www.breakupbrad.com Okay? Take care!

  2. Hey man, just bought the ex-factor guide,
    So me and my ex broke up 16 days ago, and i have used the no-contact rule since. Two days after she broke up with me, she sent me a text message were she said that she still has my sweater, and asked if I wanted it.
    I said to her that she could keep it. She responded by saying: “You sure? I can just give it somebody else, and then they can give it to you.”
    I responded: “nono, just keep it. Don’t stress about it:)”, and I ended the conversation there.

    Some hours later she messages me on Snapchat out of the blue (we haven’t talked since Sunday), and asked me how everything went. I told her fine and tried to end the conversation, but she kept asking more questions, like how the new school I went to was and stuff like that, so I just asked her back how she was.
    She said: “actually I have been feeling really bad and I have been exhausted. I have been thinking about what happened between us, and I’m really sad about it»
    I didn’t say it back, although I also have been feeling this way, and I just responded: “I understand, that’s gotta be hard” Then we ended it there I think.

    After we stopped having this conversation, she sent me face snaps, so it was kind of clear that she wanted to talk. We snapped a bit and I went to sleep. I did make a mistake that I talked a little to her on Snapchat, but I stopped pretty early. We haven’t talked in over a week. I heard from some mutual friends that she missed me a week after the break up, so I got hope, but some days ago I heard that she wants to be single for a while and she don’t think that we are getting back together.
    So after I heard those news I been trying to improve myself in every way I can, but sometimes she just pops into my thoughts, and I start missing her. Any tips on what I should do now?
    Btw we are both 16 years old, we don’t go to the same school though.

    1. That’s great! I’m glad you now have the tools to guide you on what to do. Now I know it’s difficult (and it’s a different challenge all on its own) but try to follow the guide down to a tee, all right?Especially the “no contact” rule. Read it many times over until you master it. All the best!

  3. Need help. Me and my seperated wife have fun and go out to dinners with the kids. Kiss, hug, and everything inbetween even stayed the night. But when I talk about getting back together she gets upset and shutsdown.

    1. It doesn’t work that way, man. If all you have to do to get an ex wife back is to ask to get back together, then there wouldn’t be any divorced couples! The process of saving one’s marriage is a bit complicated but this is why I’ve released a second book called Mend the Marriage. Check it out at http://www.marriageguy.com as everything is on there, from how to communicate more effectively, down to how to handle the kids (if applicable), monitor your progress through worksheets and stuff. These videos are for you, too: http://y2u.be/ij6__SVcMW8 and http://y2u.be/z262BzLvwAk or sign up for my Mend the Marriage coaching program at http://www.marriageguy.com/coaching Take care!

  4. Hey Brad….is it possible to get my ex spouse back…it’s been 3 months and I think she is already dating someone else. I’d commit to your program if you are honestly going to say yes I can get her back. We have 2 kids so no contact is hard but I usually only talk to her about the kids.
    I will admit to a cpl moments of being weak willed and apologized for an awkward situation where she asked me to stick around while she was taking care of a friends kid with our younger son. Her reply to that was please don’t worry… anyway can you help or is MY situation too far gone.

    1. You’re welcome! 🙂 Hey, you never know who else can benefit, so if it’s not too much to ask and if you haven’t already, please like, share, and subscribe to my channel so you won’t miss any of my upcoming videos. I’d really appreciate it!

  5. Thanks Brad for this video. I totally agree that change starts with oneself. I have been on this path for a while now and it’s hard work but paying off. Not only how I interact with my wife but also how I see and approach day to day in a more positive manner. This was a helpful video. Thank you!

    1. You’re welcome! Hey, you never know who else can benefit, so if it’s not too much to ask and if you haven’t already, please like, share, and subscribe to my channel so you won’t miss any of my upcoming videos. I’d really appreciate it! 🙂

    1. If you have other means to communicate, yes, it’s about time. Since you’ve already completed the full 30-day “no contact” rule and assuming you did it correctly, then the texting tips here will be a good starter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uN_XAgHjaFM but make sure you tick off the checklist here first: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAhMrmw3Sms This means you take time focusing on the second phase and eventually the third phase when the time is right. This won’t happen overnight, of course, but it’s something you ought to continue to work on to the point where you’re gradually building attraction again. This is what my guide is for. Have you checked it out yet? It’s too complicated to explain everything on here, but here’s an overview of these phases and what to expect in each one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeGNPBdpnsI Good luck!

    1. Sorry to hear that. It’s time to find a more positive outlet for your emotions. It’s totally okay to cry your eyes out (just NOT in front of your ex), this is healthy, but try to balance it with other stuff. So keep your mind occupied, get busy with a lot of stuff like hobbies, work, etc. focus on what makes you feel good and take time to heal as well. Also read my Ex Factor Guide, which covers commonly possible ‘what if’ scenario and will give you pretty much everything you need to know, so read it many times over until you master it. The aim of the guide is basically to put you in the best position to get your ex back…and to avoid the pitfalls to increase your chances altogether. Check it out at http://www.breakupbrad.com Good luck!

    1. Fading fast and therefore the need to act fast means to play your cards right from the get-go and not mess things up further, basically. Here’s a quick overview: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgR03RcU8mw It’s time to find a more positive outlet for your emotions. It’s totally okay to cry your eyes out (just NOT in front of your ex), this is healthy, but try to balance it with other stuff. So keep your mind occupied, get busy with a lot of stuff like hobbies, work, etc. focus on what makes you feel good and take time to heal as well. Also read my Ex Factor Guide, which covers commonly possible ‘what if’ scenario and will give you pretty much everything you need to know, so read it many times over until you master it. The aim of the guide is basically to put you in the best position to get your ex back…and to avoid the pitfalls to increase your chances altogether. Check it out at http://www.breakupbrad.com Good luck!

  6. Hey Brad, I’ve purchased your book and i did 2 week of no contact. I’ve done a lot of begging just and only the day after the break up. She said she wanted to be friends and I said I only see her as a romantic partner. We broke up cuz I ignored her health problems, gave her low attention and had a nasty fight with her. After this week 2 of NC I just send her message to check on her health since she had problems. She reacted mad cuz she wanted us to be friends and said I was being cold towards her. We were best friends before and I was her whole support. It’s important to notice we were really close but only had a 2 month relationship. What should I do?

    1. Consider moving on from this, especially if it was just a fling to either you or your short-term ex. My program is all about regaining that lost attraction. However, there may not be anything to rebuild here if that’s the case because there wasn’t any long term bonding or attraction that naturally develops in long term relationships. On the brighter side, here’s how the “no contact” rule will work for you, though: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gqo4RjqUpo  However, you may want to improve your dating skills and Amy North may has a ton of tips on what to do about that, so check out her channel, too. Take care!

  7. Me and my wife separated exactly a week ago..we Wer sleeping together I happen to wake up n look at her text message and her and her friend where talking about a co worker who was chasing after her even tho she was married I confronted her about it and she just went off and broke up with me..I asked her if she wanted a divorce and she said no n she telling me I have a 50/50 chance on fixing things all I have to do is Right my wrongs and actually change because I must admit I was a bit of a bad husband I’m hoping for the best

  8. Hi brad. This is irrelevant to this video by since it’s your most recent post I thought it would be the best way to maybe get a response. Currently in on no contact with my ex and he unfriended me on social media not a bad break got an 80 on your quiz. I was just wondering if this is a bad sign

    1. Not at all. IT means he just needs space from you. Maybe stop trying to look at your ex’s profile/messages/snaps, posts,etc.? An essential part of the “no contact” rule is to turn your focus inwards, and looking at what your ex is doing and whatnot largely deviates from that point, don’t you think?

  9. Hi Brad. I really need some advice. I had been with my partner for 9 years and we have one child together. Lately things had been extremely stressful and we ended up arguing quite a bit and a week ago he packed all his things and walked out on me and our son and I just love him so much and as we have a child I cant not talk to him. I just really want to win him back but I dont know how? He has moved a 3 hour drive away to his parents house so couldn’t even talk after the argument. He says he is looking for a job down there and moving on. I am heartbroken? Is there any way back for us? I also was needy and desperate when he first went begging him back. He said he will come down in 5 days to collect the rest of his stuff and see our son. What can I do to fix this? Please help? Xx

    1. Yeah, let him calm down a bit. Is he always like this when he’s angry, though? What were you two fighting about? It’s best to give it time because all this arguing had taken a toll in your relationship. Perhaps you’ve both argued more than you had a good time with each other? If the negatives outweigh the positives in the relationship, that’s when an imbalance happens and the relationship will keel over wherein one or both people will likely abandon ship,as the case with your ex. It’s time to reset things. Start with the 30-day “no contact” rule to get your ex into a psychological neutral.

  10. Brad I have been in a serious break up since 3 weeks now 3 days before I started no contact my ex had my inst account connected she thinks I don’t understand but she is stalking and seeing whom j am talking to since couple of weeks shall I disconnect my Instagram from hers due to no contact or let her stalk….please help me man

    1. Nah, let her stalk, but don’t stalk her page or contact her until after the 30-day period. There’s tons of vids on how to reach out, check those out!

  11. I have subscribed to you my spouse made the decision to walk away. I was feeling needy until i saw one of your videos about backing away. I did so and now he is calling me daily…but he still says he doesnt know when we will be back together….He is saying years, this hurts so much and because we’ve been married for 5 years…

    1. Sorry to hear that. The process of saving one’s marriage is a bit complicated but this is why I’ve released a second book called Mend the Marriage. Check it out at http://www.marriageguy.com as everything is on there, from how to communicate more effectively, down to how to handle the kids (if applicable), monitor your progress through worksheets and stuff. These videos are for you, too: http://y2u.be/ij6__SVcMW8 and http://y2u.be/z262BzLvwAk or sign up for my Mend the Marriage coaching program at http://www.marriageguy.com/coaching Take care!

    1. Some married folks keep separate finances and are perfectly okay… if that’s what your concern is?

    1. I specifically mentioned “spouse” (title says it too). Last time I checked, this word is gender neutral.

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