— How To Repair Your Marriage (Without Your Spouses Help)
What’s up YouTube, Brad Browning here… and in this video, you’re going to learn why it’s possible to repair your marriage by yourself, without your spouse’s help. Maybe you’re skeptical about whether this is actually even possible… but keep watching and you’ll understand why and how this is indeed very doable.
In fact, not only am I going to show you why this is possible, I’m also going to explain how it can sometimes even be preferable to work on saving your marriage on your own, without your spouse being involved or even aware that you’re doing anything differently.
BUT… Before I get into it, please take a second to do me a huge favour and click the “subscribe” button below this video. Don’t forget to click the bell icon as well so you get notified when I release new free advice videos like this one in the future.
OK, now, let’s get started…. And first off, it’s important to understand two key facts:
#1 – Since you’re watching this video, it’s likely that your spouse is unhappy with your marriage as it stands right now.
In other words, your spouse isn’t necessarily unhappy with you, but he/she certainly isn’t pleased with your marriage. That means a positive change to your relationship — whether it’s initiated by you or your spouse, or even if it happens on its own — is likely change your spouse’s feelings about the marriage, and make them more likely to buy back in and re-commit to a future together.
#2 – You and your partner communicate in a revolving stimulus — essentially a “response pattern”.
I know this sounds sciencey, but let me explain briefly what this means, because it’s not really actually that complicated. A “response pattern” is basically just a cycle, where what you do and say is the stimulus. Your spouse’s reaction is the response. You then react to their reaction, and so on.
The same thing occurs when your partner does or says something… you react, they react to your reaction, etc. Over time, the two of you have developed a pattern of these common actions and reactions… but when the ‘stimulus’ changes, the response will also change. This is great news, because it usually means that changing your behaviour will impact your partner’s reaction, and the entire relationship more generally.
Let me explain these two facts a bit further by using a simple example. Let’s imagine that you and your partner always get into arguments about spending holidays with family. Your spouse wants to drive 5 hours every Christmas to have dinner with his or her family, but you hate those big family dinners. Each time your spouse asks you to join for these holiday family trips, you refuse to go or whine and complain about having to attend… and your spouse then becomes upset. A big argument ensues, your spouse threatens to take the kids and go without you, and then the argument spirals into a bigger debate over your general unwillingness to ever do what your partner wants.
In this example, the original issue — or the ‘stimulus’ — is your spouse’s desire to visit family. The reaction is your refusal to do so. Your spouse then reacts to your reaction with a further complaint. An argument follows, and the pattern continues. In the end, you both wind up unhappy, and your marriage suffers as a result of this whole fiasco. Obviously, when this happens regularly, both of you are going to be unhappy with the marriage and your life in general.
Now, I realize at this point you might be wondering…. Ok, how is all of this actually good news for my marriage? Well, simply put, in this “response pattern” that I just described, you have the power to disrupt the negative cycle by making a change to the initial action, or to the re-action. This, by itself, can help you improve the health of your marriage…. All without any involvement from your spouse.
Let’s go back to the example I just described a minute ago… now, what if you had simply agreed to visit your in-laws on Christmas, like your spouse wants? The reaction from your partner in this case would now be a positive one, rather than a negative. The ensuing argument would no longer happen, and therefore there wouldn’t be any negative interaction with your spouse in the first place. This, of course, is going to be a far better outcome for your marriage than if you had put up a fight over the issue. And this all happens without your spouse being aware that you’re doing anything differently.
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