Is Oral Sex a Sin in Marriage? | Dave and Ashley Willis

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Is oral sex a sin in marriage? Check out this clip where Dave and Ashley Willis address this loaded question.

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Jimmy Evans is one of America’s leading experts on family and marriage relationships. He is Founder and CEO of MarriageToday™ and co-host of MarriageToday with Jimmy and Karen, the marriage ministry and national award-winning broadcast that airs to millions of homes each week. A popular church and conference speaker, he has also authored a number of books, including Marriage on the Rock, Our Secret Paradise and The Right One.

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43 thoughts on “Is Oral Sex a Sin in Marriage? | Dave and Ashley Willis

  1. Great clip -perhaps next segment should include specific scriptural references -I.e Hebrews 13:4a in support of deep-study. Study of God’s thoughts will serve to PURIFY our own (check out the word “all” in this verse). God bless this fresh-faced (countenance) couple for approaching this topic).

  2. Oral cancer of the tongue/throat caused by oral sex is getting much more pervasive these days with HPV!!! I’m disappointed that the medical community is not sounding the alarm & people are dying

    1. Thanks Val, I guess I should have put this link on to begin with but I am not too tech savvy…If you click on the HPV tab under what you can get from oral sex it is pretty eye opening & what I was trying to get across

    2. Stella, you and I ought to visit sometime. I think you and I may be in the same age or century range. 🙂 It makes for some interesting discussions and some strong reactions from people in their younger years. I do not have time to argue, threaten with words like “always or fear,” or offend someone else’s thought process. Besides, I learned something from both Karen and you. Funny you were both right in your perspectives on oral sex and transmission of sexually transmitted diseases.

    3. You get to correct and Val gets to correct but I don’t get to correct because (in your opinion) I was doing it wrong? Since my correction didn’t fit your parameters about how it was meted out, it was wrong but Val’s was fine because you viewed it as soft and sweet (your interpretation of Godly) even though I found it insulting and intrusive since I wasn’t talking to her….or you for that matter. So you are telling me not to straighten out everyone else’s opinion while you engage in straightening out my opinion…..that’s rich.

    4. Who are? Are we not sister-in-Christ? Am I not to speak to you with a loving, gentle spirit? Am I to attack and accuse you? Absolutely not!!! I told Stella, not to thank me. I just have learned that I am not perceived correctly at times. What I say may not be what is heard by the other person. For example, my daughter sometimes hears things in a way I never meant. So I choose to believe that you perceive me in a way I never intended. Karen, please choose to hear and believe. I do not mean to hurt you or fight with you. I was pointing out what I have had to learn the hard way. You did not expect the words you were writing to be interpreted any other way than how you wrote them. But you cannot control how someone perceives your words. But out of Christ’s love for them, when you are misperceived, you get the opportunity to restate what your true meaning is. I had to learn not to start immediately defending myself. I had to be taught and be disciplined to take a step back and ask God, “Did I really sound like that to this person?” I learned many times I say something one way and it is heard very differently. I was just letting you see how your words may have been received by Stella. I spoke up for myself. So, you were not speaking to me. But it is a public forum, as you pointed out, so I am allowed to read your words and respond to them. I am allowed to perceive and interpret what you write. So, if I did not perceive what you actually meant, could you not gently restated it as you meant it to be heard? Would that have been so difficult? I did not know how she might receive your statements. I was concerned for her. I was looking out for both of you. Stella chose to perceive it as kindness. You have chosen to perceive it as an attack. And so, you have chosen angry words to lob at me. It was never my intent to attack you or correct you or put you down. I truly humbly was just trying to reflect to you how your words felt. We are hopefully going to hanging in heaven for eternity. Might as well start enjoying each other on this side of heaven.

    5. And so, if we are going to be honest with each other. Tell me, do you not see where these words of yours might have been received in a negative and hurtful way. “Just because you are using that excuse.” “Doesn’t mean you have to try and terrorize others.” “Almost always doing it out of fear.” “The need to convince others to fear.” So, now you have a chance to reread you words and try to understand me. I meant no disrespect, or hatred, or distain toward you. I was just pointing out that maybe you did not see, hear, or feel how your words might be impacting others. It is a public forum, so I am allowed to read and respond to anything written here. I was not coming to Stella’s defense. If anything I was coming to help you because you are my sister-in-Christ. I care about you.

    1. Well, to my understanding from what I was taught is ” eating and chewing like food is wrong, like applying whip cream chocolate etc, etc,.. However admiring each other by kissing there and all are okay… Well When we know the foundational Truth, this becomes easy to know how much is how much. Also sex is a worship to God. Out side marriage it goes to devil and gives in return sickness desease curses etc…accidents immoral soul ties too. However within marriage it goes to God and He in turn bless us with love, children, emotional healing, stress relief… etc etc.. again we can learn a lot from Jill Southern’s book called “Sex God’s Truth by Jill Southern. Thank you all.

  3. Hebrews 13:4: “Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”
    Like they said: but it doesn’t mean to add anyone to it just man and wife

  4. This world has gone upside down😢 (pun intended). Hence my stance on oral sex is that God made us upright for a reason. Our bodies are positioned the way they are to connect. To each couple their own but I don’t agree with it!!!

    1. Thank you for your explanation. It is truly me. It was nothing you wrote. I just want to make sure I understand what people are saying.

    2. I don’t know how you know all of this about the fallen angels. I have never encountered anything in Scripture about what they taught or didn’t teach. I know the fall lead to a lot of perversion like fornication, beastiality, incest, child molesting, and pornography, but anal sex within the marriage bed? If it’s going too far for you, I totally understand, but to link it to fallen angels is a huge stretch and for those engaging in it, it seems judgmental. I think we can certainly assume that with as many people who were already in the world when the angels were cast down, people were already engaging in the practice. Also, I can only imagine that when Adam and Eve discovered sex, they were probably exploring every orifice in the body and every pleasurable spot they could find. Since they were completely innocent and had no knowledge of sex beforehand, why wouldn’t they? Can we assume God gave them sex instructions and said “this is how you will do it?” Seems to me that if certain sexual activities were sinful , they would have boo-booed before they ever got to the tree of knowledge.

    3. Actually Bonobos (apes) do that too……they even French kiss, and Orangutans and some Gorillas have sex face to face……

    4. Thought I would share this. R.C. Sproul is a highly respected teacher of the Bible and biblical truths. Here is a brief statement made at the time of his death. “Through his teaching ministry, many of us learned that God is bigger than we knew, our sin is more deeply rooted than we imagined, and the grace of God in Jesus Christ is overwhelming,” This is his writing on Genesis 6:1-5 on the teaching of the “sons of God.”

      Who Are the Sons of God and Daughters of Men in Genesis 6:1-5?
      FROM R.C. Sproul Jr. Sep 22, 2012 Category: Articles

      “When man began to multiply on the face of the land and daughters were born to them, the sons of God saw that the daughters of man were attractive. And they took as their wives any they chose. Then the Lord said, “My Spirit shall not abide in man forever, for he is flesh: his days shall be 120 years.” The Nephilim were on the earth in those days, and also afterward when the sons of God came into the daughters of man and they bore children to them. These were the mighty men who were of old, the men of renown. The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.” — Genesis 6:1-5

      There are several competing theories on this admittedly peculiar text, a few of them fantastic, at least one of them rather pedestrian, ordinary. Some suggest, for instance, that what is happening here is that angels, typically fallen angels or demons, are intermarrying with human women. My position is the far more pedestrian one, but one that carries with it an important lesson.

      First, why I reject this more fantastic view. Angels, whether fallen or not, and though I am happy to concede they can appear in human form, are spirit beings. They have no bodies. Most of the time most of us remember this, though here some seem to forget. Because angels are spirit beings they are not equipped to consummate a marriage and to sire offspring. Demons can do all sorts of shocking and even frightening things. This, however, is not one of them. They can’t bring forth giants because they simply can’t bring forth.

      When we consider the context of this text we can better understand what Moses is explaining. In previous chapters, we are given a glimpse of two competing lines, the godly line of Seth and the wicked line of Cain. Having established the antithesis in the garden, after affirming that there would be a constant struggle between the seed of the woman and the seed of the serpent we are given snapshot pictures of each of these armies. We see Seth’s line about the business of exercising dominion, in submission to the Lord. We see Cain’s line dishonoring the law of God and making names for themselves. But the future is not mere co-existence between the two lines. The drama builds toward the great crisis of Noah’s flood right here in chapter 6. The great change, what creates the great downward spiral of humanity on the earth is that the two lines come together as one. That is, the godly line of Seth, the sons of God, seeing how attractive are the daughters of men, the wicked line of Cain, decide to take them as wives. The end result, however, isn’t mere dilution. It’s not that the now joined line becomes morally lukewarm, but that evil spreads, grows, deepens. This shouldn’t surprise as for as Chuck Swindoll reminds us if you drop a white glove in the mud, the mud doesn’t get all glovey.

      What we see is salt losing its savor. We see what becomes of intermarrying not with a different race, but a different covenant, or a different faith. What we see is what happens when we are unequally yoked. Nothing, of course, has changed. When the children of God find the world attractive, when we determine to yoke ourselves to it, calamity comes. The world does not get any better, but the church, no longer a light on the hill, becomes much worse, and darkness falls upon the land. We are no longer useful for anything and find ourselves trampled upon the ground.

    5. Thanks, Karen I did not know that. So I did some internet research. Scientific American

      “The species is best characterized as female-centered and egalitarian and as one that substitutes sex for aggression. Whereas in most other species sexual behavior is a fairly distinct category, in the bonobo it is part and parcel of social relations–and not just between males and females. Bonobos engage in sex in virtually every partner combination (although such contact among close family members may be suppressed).”

      It is interesting in this article it discusses a whole lot about their sexual activities. Another article I read pointed out, “Sex does not necessarily mean the same thing to a bonobo that it does to a human.” So I am believing we may be thinking differently when we are facing the person we love than when they are engaged in their sexual activity. I do not believe it is about love from what the Science American article reported.

      So maybe I should have said to Tanisha (love her name) that human look into their lover’s eyes for different reasons than Bonobos do. lol! 🙂

  5. From a one-night-stand to marriage and everything in between, why on earth would oral sex, or any other sexual act for that matter, between two consenting adults, provided neither one of them is cheating on anyone else, be considered immoral?

    1. Yeah, no. Let’s not filibuster please. Let’s start with ONE argument that you fully agree with, and please try to keep it down to one or three paragraphs at most, so that we can properly discuss it. How am I supposed to address all of that?

    2. You say “Forget empirical evidence; let’s set that aside entirely at least for time being and not even go there…”

      What kind of perfeccly rational arguments for the existence of God do you require without looking for observable, verifiable proof?

      Those quotes show me that intelligent people believe in God.

      To quote Dr Francis S. Collins, M.D., Ph.D., who is the director of the Human Genome Project. His most recent book is “The Language of God: A Scientist Presents Evidence for Belief”

      ” I had to admit that the science I loved so much was powerless to answer questions such as “What is the meaning of life?” “Why am I here?” “Why does mathematics work, anyway?” “If the universe had a beginning, who created it?” “Why are the physical constants in the universe so finely tuned to allow the possibility of complex life forms?” “Why do humans have a moral sense?” “What happens after we die”

      How about science.

      The universe is so finely tuned, balanced and organized.
      I could touch on Mathematics as it is mind blowing in its structured organization.

      Biology is so incredibly complex right down to the molecular level. The folding of proteins after construction by the ribosome is governed by the chaperone protein. This protein makes sure the emerging amino acid chain is folded correctly (if it is folded incorrectly, the protein function is impaired). The amazing thing is that the chaperone protein is itself a protein that requires a chaperone protein to be constructed. This requires a designer and a creator.

      You look at kinesin and dyneins. Walking proteins that walk along microtubules inside the cell to transport proteins and vacuoles. They know were to go and what to take where. How? Chemical signals? What makes the organism know what signals to send at the right time so the right cargo is sent to the right place at the right time?
      Look at mitochondria. The TCA cycle that occurs on the matrix to enable the production of ATP energy cannot have happened by chance. We could look at the apoptosis of cells, (a huge chain reaction with one level affecting another), again a finley balanced process. We could look at DNA replication, cell division,

      .All these systems individually don’t function alone and require the whole working together.

      The cell is programed to function. A program requires a programmer. My windows operating software was programed to accomplish a function. Nothing random or accidental. When it goes wrong…I get the blue screen of death. A single cell is MASSIVLY more complex than a simple computer program like windows. For me…..It proves a creator.

      (in my opinion).

    3. Yeah sorry I sort of misspoke there. By that I just meant let’s hear your perfectly rational argument. Sure, throw me whatever you want, logical arguments, empirical evidence, a combination of both, something else entirely, whatever, that’s fine…let’s get on with it then, shall we?

      “Those quotes show me that intelligent people believe in God.”

      Intelligent people believing in the Christian god does not, in any way shape or form, prove his actual existence.

      “I had to admit that the science I loved so much was powerless to answer questions such as “What is the meaning of life?” “Why am I here?” “Why does mathematics work, anyway?” “If the universe had a beginning, who created it?” “Why are the physical constants in the universe so finely tuned to allow the possibility of complex life forms?” “Why do humans have a moral sense?” “What happens after we die”

      I have some serious objections with accepting that science cannot answer any of those questions. However, even if we accept all of the above as true: that science is powerless to answer any of those questions, something which once again I would have some SERIOUS objections to, ALL that would mean is nothing more than “science is powerless to answer any of those questions”. That’s it! Nothing more. To go on an infer “…therefore god” would be fallacious.

      “The universe is so finely tuned, balanced and organized.”

      What is the universe finely tuned for, in your opinion? To say that the universe is fine tuned for life is absurd. If the universe is fine tuned for anything its black holes. Life exists on only an unimaginably small portion of our universe. Even on earth, the vast majority of earth does not support life, let alone human life. The fine tuning argument is extremely self centered in my opinion. It would be like a puddle of water suddenly becoming sentient, looking around and concluding “wow, this hole in the ground is perfectly fine tuned for my existence”. All of the evidence points to the fact that we have evolved to fit the conditions upon which we find ourselves.

      You then go on to point out the complexity of math and biology, and go into details about the latter. You conclude by asserting that this level of complexity “requires a designer and a creator”. This reduces to the argument from complexity which is an unsubstantiated assertion. What can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence. Also, If one is to accept that complexity requires an intelligent creator, then surely, a force or being capable of deliberately creating such complexity would itself be infinitely more complex than his complex creation.

      There are more problems with arguments from complexity such as that If we were to grant the assertion that certain biological systems could not have evolved via small modifications through natural selection, all this would do is discard natural selection as the potential answer. It would not lend any credence, and certainly wouldn’t prove, that an intelligent designer must’ve created such systems… that’s seriously not how logic works.

      I don’t have the time or desire to continue with this. I am thoroughly unimpressed with your supposed evidence and arguments, as they are the same age old worn out fallacious arguments that are used ad-nauseum. I implore you to do your due diligence and research some of the arguments against your positions.

    4. Julian Prus firstly, my point was if the existence of God is so easily disproven, would not so many intelligent scientists have found these problems and stated them. They haven’t. Your logic could be used on all scientific theory. Just because scientists believe a veiwpoint doesn’t prove anything.

      His quote stated that after his years of study, he came to the conclusion that science alone didn’t give him answers to his valid questions.

      A balanced finely tuned universe works…like a watch with its cogs, pins, springs and design. The laws of Physics and mathematical function all work together holding matter together.
      Of course complexity requires design. The laws of physics require order will decline into chaos. It takes ordered energy to create order. Pure energy isn’t sufficient.
      Of course a creator will be more complex than its creation.

      Your logic of stating that discarding natural selection, (which I haven’t stated) doesn’t prove a creator is true but as the whole concept of evolutionary theory is based on it, a creator is a viable alternative.

      Oh well. You asked for evidence for a creator…I gave some but as you stated, your not apparently interested in empirical evidence but after philisophical reasoning. I’m afraid that’s not my field.

      Empirical evidence is good enough for the whole of science and can convict a murderer.

      I have enjoyed our chats though. Keep hunting the truth and I will keep searching for it also. My advice to you would be to broaden your mind. There is more to the universe than philosophy.

      See you my freind and God bless you!

  6. I totally agree brother and sister in marriage between husband and wife if both parties agree 99.9% is okay in the eyes of God

    1. Don’t you mean the Roman Catholic Church? The Catholic Church is something altogether different. The only sacred Scripture that I know is the Bible. Jesus said that He was the Word (Scripture). There is nothing saying that the church and everything a church authority says is God-breathed or God ordained. In other words, the church is not the Word.

    2. The Word says that if you are a believer and have accepted Christ as your savior, you are a priest. The Roman Catholic Church doesn’t have a corner on the priesthood, or sainthood for that matter. We who believe and follow Christ are all saints according to the Bible. She who says “check yourself” might check the Bible.

    3. Wow…..I can be outspoken but never will I take the place of God and say who is saved and who isn’t based on one action. I will say who I think is being ridiculous, but who is going to Hell? Nope. That’s idolatry.

    4. There is a difference between love being expressed vs all the body drive satisfied with no boundaries

    5. You are so sweet, “The Catholic Girl.” You cared that you would make me mad. You and I are trying very hard not to offend each other and to discuss our differences without lashing out at each other. I heard someone say, “When we get to heaven it will be funny to hear what we did have right and what we were absolutely wrong about.” None of us have the corner on the whole truth. No one denomination or non-denominational church has it completely correct. I want to talk to you more. I would love to find out how to talk outside of this forum. One thing, if you keep answering my questions as honestly as you are, you are getting into boiling water. 🙂 And you are not trying to offend or accuse anyone. You were just answering an honest question, honestly. I thank you for that. I may not like how the Catholic church presents their truth about who is going to heaven but you have the right to believe it. And you never were condemning me. If anything, you were wanting to have me come to your side of the street. I am not sure that will ever be. But I appreciate that you did not send me to HELL!! It has been really nice to ask questions and you answered them. Is there any way we can find each other without giving personal information on this forum? I would love to talk with you more. I have other questions. It has been very enlightening and interesting. Thank you.

  7. Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!
    Isaiah 5:20

    1. I am not sure what you are trying to say??? Please, I mean nothing by this comment. I was just wondering what you meant.

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