Marriage Killers | Things that will Destroy Your Marriage

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Hey everyone my name is Allen Parr thank you so much for hanging out with me today. Here on the BEAT we release a new video every Tuesday and today we are talking about things that destroy our marriages!

We’re are going to take a look at one of my favorite passages of scripture Eph. 4:25-29. The context here is that Paul is describing what he calls the old man, which refers to our old way of thinking and living BEFORE CHRIST, with our new man, which refers to who we are now that we have the Spirit of God living within us. And so he begins to list several things that should not be a part of our new nature. And so I want to give you three things from this passage that will absolutely destroy your marriage.

1. Dishonesty – Eph. 4:25 – Paul says, “Therefore each of you must put off FALSEHOOD and speak truth to your neighbor.”
a. Exaggerating
b. Making excuses to save face when we are caught doing something we didn’t think the other person knew about
c. Making False promises
d. Not following through
e. Lying
f. Damages trust and remember that trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair.

2. Anger – Eph. 4:26
a. Notice Paul says here to “BE ANGRY.” He’s not suggesting that we never get angry but rather that we don’t sin when we get angry. How do we do that?
b. One of the ways is to remain angry and refuse to resolve the conflict.
c. Paul gives us a time frame in which to resolve it (not to be taken literally) which is by the end of one day.
d. Then more importantly he tells us why we should resolve conflict quickly. It’s because when we don’t we are giving the devil an opportunity to tempt us to hold a grudge, harbor unforgiveness, become bitter and think negative thoughts about the other person.
e. Remember the principle. When you and your spouse aren’t talking to each other, the devil is speaking to both of you.

3. Unhealthy Communication
a. Notice four things here. First, Paul describes it as unwholesome which could refer to criticism, cursing, outbursts of anger, being judgmental, etc. Any of that kills your marriage.
b. Second, be careful to use our words that build each other up.
c. Third, it says “according to the need of the moment” meaning we need to discern not just what we say but when we say it. [TIMING IS EVERYTHING].
d. Finally, the tone we use when we say it, “he says it should give ‘grace’ to those who hear.” Some of us have some really good things to say but because our tone and our timing is off it’s not received.

4. Unforgiveness – Notice Paul says here, "To forgive JUST AS Christ has forgiven you."

So if you’re dating, engaged, married or in any type of relationship you value I pray that will replace dishonesty with integrity, anger with conflict resolution and unhealthy communication with encouragement, affirmation and speaking positive things into the life of your partner. You start doing that and I trust that our relationships will be what God intended for them to be.

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36 thoughts on “Marriage Killers | Things that will Destroy Your Marriage

  1. I found this channel a few days ago and binge watched just about every video. I appreciate you taking time to make these videos.

  2. bumped on this page a few days ago. I like being challenged and charged afresh for in walk with Christ. thanks Allen! I’ll definitely join the Bible studies..

    1. Hey Mani! Welcome to the community! So glad our paths crossed. Let me know how I can assist in your spiritual journey.

    1. Thank you so much Elena! I appreciate those kind words. I hope you are enjoying the content on this channel. God bless,

    1. Thank you Piboxa. I actually got three different shirts made for my videos by a buddy of mine who owns a t-shirt design company.

    2. Oh wow really nice…easy way to spread the word/message/gospel and a good conversation starter…just like sportfans do! Team Jesus 🙂
      God bless you man, love your channel keep it up!

  3. Bless your spirit for your list! Everything you said is important, but my #1 would be for marriage failing because the Lord is not in the marriage. Lord approved and Lord- centered marriages have better survival rates.
    #2: People marrying for the wrong reasons, like men marrying so someone will cook and clean for them and women marrying so they don’t have to work or support themselves for the lifestyle they want, or either gender hating abstinence.
    #3: Both parties don’t talk enough ahead of time what they expect in the marriage and ideas of if they may have children and how to raise them, and if cannot reach agreement and compromise, then to move on before marriage and find someone more suitable.
    #4:Being one way before marriage, then change dramatically after marriage for the worse, and feel that just because they got a ring on someone’s finger, that they can take their spouse for granted and not show the same respect they did while dating.
    #5: Coming into marriage not truly being ready to leave the bachelorbachelorette lifestyle, like still having wandering eyes, for instance.
    #6: Couples stop dating after some point in marriage.
    Thank you for allowing for collaborating with me! LOL!
    Me joking, but seriously though, bless you for the making these videos, and the time you put into.
    If I may make a request, how about a video on lengthy prayers, and why we should be patient when a person prays much longer than we like, and not always expect a person to pray short prayers. I been on the receiving end of gripes about prayer length I do sometimes, and am interested in your take. Bless you! 🙂

    1. You’re so welcome Lisa. I hope and pray it helps and gives you and others things to consider in terms of marriage. God bless you and I hope you enjoy the other videos on this channel.

  4. I love watching your videos,each of it has always something new to learn! Very enlightening for everyone, Highly recommended! TheBEAT <3

  5. Thank you for THE BEAT Allen. Can you please address the idea of “complete transparency” with your spouse? Should spouses be sharing passwords, accounts, social media … etc. Thanks!

  6. I’m guilty of about all of these, that’s why my wife and I have been separated for almost 4 months. I pray for the grace to have my family again.

  7. Thank you for being a man who doesn’t blame wives for the problems in marriage. Usually marriage videos always focus on what the wife may have done wrong, but don’t ever they focus on what the husband does wrong. Most times it’s husband who hurts his wife, But these marriage video makers dwell only on he wives. .

    1. Stella Lupus
      Listen dude, all adults are responsible for their sins. The husband is only a leader, by title. He cannot tell his wife how to breathe, eat, sleep, dress, walk, talk, and so on. If he us. Msn of God and obeying God and and being a food man and father and not abusing or cheating, the she can put her trust in him to guide and protect the family. But she can’t blindly follow a man who is not obeying himself. See the husband and the wife must obey God. God I’d the leader of the man and the woman. But the husband is not more important than the wife. . He cannot control her thoughts and her will. He cannot control her. She has in put on their marriage and their family.He just has to do his job of protecting and leading off in things. There are still some things that the wife has to do for herself, and there are things only he can do. He can’t control everything. He can’t tell her what to do.

      Be careful that you don’t exalt husbands

    2. frexandbera Vinc And I agree with you, I think you may have misunderstood my other comment, I should be wrote it better but I didn’t think too much people would care about what I said about the topic.

    3. Stella Lupus
      He doesn’t hold more responsibility and power that his wife. He has just been given a position, POSITION, or title to lead the family. The wife submits to his leadership given by God. But the husband honors her and is willing to die for her as he gives his life for her. Read the Scripture, sweetie cakes!! .

    4. Marcus Bailey
      It’s never a spouse’s fault when their mate chooses to be unfaithful and is putting their vagina or their penis with another man or woman. How the heck is it ever both spouses’ fault? Only if they are both screwing around .
      We have got to stop saying they both are at fault. So let’s just teach men AND women how to stay single, if they can’t be faithful.

  8. Do a video about women submitting and women love your husbands. We live in a wicked feminist society. They don’t do videos about women submitting. I’m tired of male bashing and the churches are guilty of it too why men don’t go to church.

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