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Do you know what destroys marriages? Stick around and find out!
Hey everyone my name is Allen Parr thank you so much for hanging out with me today. Here on the BEAT we release a new video every Tuesday and today we are talking about things that destroy our marriages!
We’re are going to take a look at one of my favorite passages of scripture Eph. 4:25-29. The context here is that Paul is describing what he calls the old man, which refers to our old way of thinking and living BEFORE CHRIST, with our new man, which refers to who we are now that we have the Spirit of God living within us. And so he begins to list several things that should not be a part of our new nature. And so I want to give you three things from this passage that will absolutely destroy your marriage.
1. Dishonesty – Eph. 4:25 – Paul says, “Therefore each of you must put off FALSEHOOD and speak truth to your neighbor.”
b. Making excuses to save face when we are caught doing something we didn’t think the other person knew about
c. Making False promises
d. Not following through
f. Damages trust and remember that trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair.
2. Anger – Eph. 4:26
a. Notice Paul says here to “BE ANGRY.” He’s not suggesting that we never get angry but rather that we don’t sin when we get angry. How do we do that?
b. One of the ways is to remain angry and refuse to resolve the conflict.
c. Paul gives us a time frame in which to resolve it (not to be taken literally) which is by the end of one day.
d. Then more importantly he tells us why we should resolve conflict quickly. It’s because when we don’t we are giving the devil an opportunity to tempt us to hold a grudge, harbor unforgiveness, become bitter and think negative thoughts about the other person.
e. Remember the principle. When you and your spouse aren’t talking to each other, the devil is speaking to both of you.
3. Unhealthy Communication
a. Notice four things here. First, Paul describes it as unwholesome which could refer to criticism, cursing, outbursts of anger, being judgmental, etc. Any of that kills your marriage.
b. Second, be careful to use our words that build each other up.
c. Third, it says “according to the need of the moment” meaning we need to discern not just what we say but when we say it. [TIMING IS EVERYTHING].
d. Finally, the tone we use when we say it, “he says it should give ‘grace’ to those who hear.” Some of us have some really good things to say but because our tone and our timing is off it’s not received.
4. Unforgiveness – Notice Paul says here, "To forgive JUST AS Christ has forgiven you."
So if you’re dating, engaged, married or in any type of relationship you value I pray that will replace dishonesty with integrity, anger with conflict resolution and unhealthy communication with encouragement, affirmation and speaking positive things into the life of your partner. You start doing that and I trust that our relationships will be what God intended for them to be.