Can we still save our marriage even while separated? This is something that The Marriage Foundation gets a lot and Paul explains in this video the answer that could save your marriage.
The answer is always the same, it's yes but you can't save it just by wanting to save it. You can't save it just by reading the book or getting a hint or reading some articles and some dumb magazines. You need to do proactively exact certain steps that will work that are designed to work, designed specifically for this, and I'll tell you right now, we sell a lot of our books and sometimes people think, "Oh, I have a shortcut I'll just take the book. I'll get it." No, you won't and here's why you won't.
Here's why you need to take the course for men or the course for women depending on your gender. It's because the person who screwed up this marriage is you. Now, you can say, "Well, it's them too." Sure, but it's you and you're the one who's looking to save it so you're the only one that counts. You screwed up your marriage but that's why I'm searching.
What do I do to save it?
If I give you a list of 30 things to do, the first thing you're going to do is cherry-pick from that list and you go, "I can do this. I can do that," and you may miss the most important thing that you have to do. Even if I tell you, this is the most important thing. I've been doing this for over 20 years and I can tell you right now this is the thing you have to do but it won't be enough. It's not just one thing.
There's a number of things so my approach is very different from other people. I begin with you on the course. In the book, it's just laying out marriage and it's telling you what works, what doesn't work and all of that but what I have realized very early on is that you can't just change. Habits and instincts control us so what I searched into this for a long time. In my past, I wasn't just a divorce mediator. In the past, I'd been meditating and I've been working on myself since the 70's so there are ways.
You got to gain control over your mind and so I've come up with like a real — this way works method and it works, and it's in the course so you got to start with that. You got to get stabilized, you got to get balanced, you got to bring yourself back in. You got to know who you are — it's doable. You're a human being. You have free will that means a lot so I get you stable then you're able to do the things necessary to bring your marriage back together.
How often does it work?
Most of the time over 50%, way past 50%. Way back in the day, I worked with one lady who was a college professor, one of the Ivy League schools. Her husband was a tenured professor and he was having an affair with one of his students, a nice guy, right? They moved into an apartment together and we would talk on the phone once a week and we got her back together. It took almost a year which is a long time but sometimes it takes a year, doesn't matter. She was resolved, she loved him and she knew it was the wrong thing and she got him to come home.
You can do it too and I'm going to support you in any way I can. We also have counselors that you could write into. They'll give you all the help you can possibly ask for and they're candid — they're like me. I don't know if that's good or bad but they won't BS you. You'll get the truth.
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