Signs Of The End Of A Marriage

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(0:00) Contrary to popular belief, there's no sign that a marriage is over. There are “signs” that your marriage is in trouble and that it should probably be looked into or fixed, but there's no sign that the marriage is over and absolutely can't be saved.

Huh? How can I say this? "But what if my husband has had an affair multiple times? What if my wife has left and she's not coming back; she won't even talk to me? What if we just have two completely different personalities and we married the wrong people?" or what if “fill-in-the-blank.”

Whatever it might be, there are signs that your marriage might be in trouble, but we believe at Marriage Helper that any marriage can be saved no matter what the current situation is; no matter what happened in the past. A lot of times when people are looking for signs that they're marriage is over, many times they walk away feeling more discouraged than ever before. While they're looking to see if their marriage is falling into this pattern, into this ultimate reality, this outcome that they don't want they can easily lose hope. They're fearful because they don't want their marriage to be over, but then they read an article, or they hear a podcast, and every single thing applies to their marriage. Again, it's easy to give us hope. But, at Marriage Helper, we believe any marriage can be saved. And, we believe any person can be rescued.

For just a second, I want you to take whatever preconceived notions you have about your situation or about your marriage (and how absolutely hopeless it might feel) and for just a couple of minutes I want you to think like there's hope.

Believe that there could be hope for your marriage as I walk you through these three things to consider if you're thinking your marriage might be over.

If you're wanting more specific information about what your exact situation is- whether there's been affairs, or addictions, or personality differences, communication problems- whatever it is, go ahead and like and subscribe to our Marriage Helper channel where you'll find playlists and categories of tons of other information that can help you with your specific situation.

(2:24) Here's question number one. Is your spouse a good person? Maybe if your spouse is in the middle of doing something that is bad right now, maybe they're in the middle of an affair, or in the middle of a gambling addiction, or whatever I might be, ask yourself, "Is my spouse a good person who's currently doing a bad thing?"

But at the core of who they are, are they a good person? Because if your spouse is a good person, then they deserve to be rescued and your marriage has a shot at making it work.

Of the thousands of couples that we've worked with here at Marriage Helper (and we've helped the worst of situations) the craziest of situations can result in a saved marriage, Also, we see that 99% of people are good people. They really are. They've just lost their way, or life has taken them in a place where they didn't want to go, and they wish that they weren't there now, but they need help being rescued in coming back to it. That's question one, is your spouse a good person?

(3:30) Question two: what have you tried so far to try and make your marriage work? When people first encounter that resistance with their marriage, when problems start to arise, and especially if they continue to happen year after year, maybe even decade after decade, many people begin to say, "You know what? We just weren't meant to be." A lot of times, people don't really try anything.

There's also this belief in society that we should just marry the right person, and when we marry the right person, things easily fall into place. That's not the reality, but since that's what society seems to be teaching us, it seems that when we first run into that resistance we think, "Well, made the wrong decision. We just need to cut our losses, start over in a relationship that's going to be better for us, and that's going to be the solution to our problems."

Unfortunately, that isn't what ends up happening. Even if you do divorce now, you're going to have problems with the next person, because every marriage has problems. No marriage is perfect because marriage is composed of two people who are flawed. There's no perfect marriage, but you can learn how to make your current marriage fulfilling, satisfying, that soulmate love that people talk about that you have been looking for. I want to encourage you to try something.

To read the accompanying article to this video, see

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56 thoughts on “Signs Of The End Of A Marriage

  1. This is not taking into consideration cultural issues. What if the in laws are such bad people that one cannot associate with them as they are the cause of the problem.

  2. we tried counseling, but I was confused, and feeling guilty! MY WIfe (Rachel) is one of the most beautiful (if not the most beautiful) friend I have ever had. we have a 9 yr old; and we both have so much fun together. looking back, I wished I had some of the tools MarriageHelper has to offer! I am willing to pay the price to make the personal unselfish growth to win her back and raise our son together under the same roof as the loving kind ppl we both are 🙂

  3. My wife left me and requested that I signed the house over to her. In the hope of saving the marriage I complied. She also wanted me to move out which I did. She left me on the 23rd January this year. I moved out to my son’s house 100 km away. I then bought a place in a neighbouring  suburb 4km away. I caused her a devastating hurt. I recently apologised and asked for forgiveness which she had since said she has but would take a lot of time to cope with the hurt. Due to my very restricted mobility and demands she could not cope. Since then I was able to manage by myself. I was completely cut off by her. No phone contact, no messenger, no WhatsApp, none at all, except by e-mail. e-mail was the only means I could hope to contact her. Recently she had offered to have coffee with me. Hopefully a little step at a time I hope to gain her confidence and finally her trust. Since 23rd January this year I had respected her wishes and privacy 100%! I wish to establish in her mind that I could be fully trusted again.

    1. Why are you asking for forgiveness when you literally did nothing wrong. Your wife completely use like a doormat. She stole the house from than kick you out. than she cut you out of her life. Trust me when you meet for coffee she is going to give divorce papers and laugh at you for giving her a house you both paid for.

  4. I have been married 20 years. I have made some big mistakes and so has my wife. We have hurt each other tremendously. I want to save our marriage and she is done. Everything I do, she tells me, “Too little, too late.” I recently told her that I am standing firm for our marriage no matter what choices she makes. I have grown a lot and continue to work on myself: mostly my attitude and personality. I am becoming more calm and not so reactionary, honest and not secretive and kind and not harsh. I love my beautiful wife and wish I could change every hurtful word and actions from the past into loving, kindness.

    1. I am sorry but I feel my narcissist husband is talking , I have been married for 32 years and each time I decided to divorce he told me exactly what you said ☹️🙄

    2. Wow I been married for 22 years and my husband is the one who wants out I don’t. Is hard situation but I believe the Lord has a plan for all of us and I hope yours get restored 🙏 I pray for it .

  5. I have a question. If one spouse is willing to work it out. And the other is not. Does this kind of marriage fall under those that can be saved?

    1. inserter400 …….the reason I say this with such ease and confidence is that ,all love from others is “conditional “ on a very deep ,subconscious level …..
      So when you fail to meet the other person’s hidden conditions…..you lose their trust,love and respect for you slowly over time .
      Without trust and respect ,there can be no love or intimate relationship,no matter how hard you try .
      You can become friends or acquaintances or even enemies,,,,,this is your choice, but a loving equally,intimate relationship is not going to happen,,,,,,,ever again with this person ,this is just the way it is .

  6. I have tried Brad Browings how to save your marriage…that was first. Then Lee Baucom’s Save the Marriage. Then Mort Fertel’s program. After that – and about the same time as this…Relationship Breakthrough with Stacy and Paul Martino….and now Marriage Helper. I am enrolled in the ten week course. I am apparently hard to dissuade. I just want my husband to give it a chance.

    1. Let me know if it helps. I have tried most of the programs you mentioned as well as several others and my husband still has not come back.

    2. I wondered how unusual it was to be the husband trying to keep his family together after the wife decided to be unfaithful. My grasp on reality slipped somewhat when I caught her. Twice.

  7. It’s great that some people can forgive infidelity. Some people would just automatically throw in towel.

    Sometimes infidelity is not just sexual.

    1. Mary Brewer what if you’ve been giving your spouse the benefit of the doubt for years tell them what they are doing is unacceptable and if it continues there’s going to come a point when I’m just done

  8. You Are very positive I feel much better every time I watch your videos. I Get hope, try to do things that you talk about.
    I have some questions how could I contact you?

  9. I don’t agree. My ex husband got into meth. It changed his personality and the way he treated me, he became very emotionally abusive and I feared physically abusive if I stayed. There was no fixing my marriage.

  10. I am truly impress with this load of pop psychology psychobabble. Marriage is not that simple as you stated it is very complicated thing. Problems #1 is your spouse a good person? no some people are self centered, egotistic and only care about themselves. Also if one spouse does not want to acknowledge and even deny the their problems in the marriage that marriage is hopeless. #2 How will divorce affect you. Your answer is over simplified people. You assume and lecture on the bad things will happen when a person get a divorce. Sometimes a divorce have a positive effect on a person life and mental health. Let’s be honest here you people are pushing a product to make money but you hide that deception with happy sappy pop psychology psychobabble and you use christianity to make people feel bad.

  11. My wife took contemptuous pictures of me “finally” doing laundry after being too busy playing with my son after coming home from work. She sent them to her whole family group-text of snipes. Is my marriage over after I found out and stonewalled her?

  12. My husband and I are separated 3 months now and we have a 3 month old son (4children all together) and finding this program I’m hoping that this helps me to get true an in finding myself and I pray that he comes back to his family

  13. Then he got a top on me lied about things to get one we split up for two an half months but he never one time checked on me once I lived in the same trailer park he was staying with his brother before he walked away when I found out about the first affair I was fixing to leave for work my chest was hurting he was leaving I ask would he take me to the Dr are call 911 please before he left he rolled up the window and left I had to call them my self and something told me to record him why I took my son yo store I just got up from working 17 hrs an wonder why he wouldn’t take our son but when I came back listen to the recorder sure enough it wasn’t 2 seconds when we went out the foor

  14. I still very hopefull. Even when my wife separeted from me and telling me she wants a divorse and dont want to work one the marriage, telling me “im fed up”, “i dont want to be with you”, “I love you, but im not inlove with you”, “happyness isnt with you”, “im not happy” it hurts so bad to my core, to hear this from the person you love with all your being. And im still here taking an stand for my marriage

  15. I’ve been been practicing smart contact and its seems to be working, my wife says that I should be happy that she hasn’t filed for divorce

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