(0:00) Contrary to popular belief, there's no sign that a marriage is over. There are “signs” that your marriage is in trouble and that it should probably be looked into or fixed, but there's no sign that the marriage is over and absolutely can't be saved.
Huh? How can I say this? "But what if my husband has had an affair multiple times? What if my wife has left and she's not coming back; she won't even talk to me? What if we just have two completely different personalities and we married the wrong people?" or what if “fill-in-the-blank.”
Whatever it might be, there are signs that your marriage might be in trouble, but we believe at Marriage Helper that any marriage can be saved no matter what the current situation is; no matter what happened in the past. A lot of times when people are looking for signs that they're marriage is over, many times they walk away feeling more discouraged than ever before. While they're looking to see if their marriage is falling into this pattern, into this ultimate reality, this outcome that they don't want they can easily lose hope. They're fearful because they don't want their marriage to be over, but then they read an article, or they hear a podcast, and every single thing applies to their marriage. Again, it's easy to give us hope. But, at Marriage Helper, we believe any marriage can be saved. And, we believe any person can be rescued.
For just a second, I want you to take whatever preconceived notions you have about your situation or about your marriage (and how absolutely hopeless it might feel) and for just a couple of minutes I want you to think like there's hope.
Believe that there could be hope for your marriage as I walk you through these three things to consider if you're thinking your marriage might be over.
If you're wanting more specific information about what your exact situation is- whether there's been affairs, or addictions, or personality differences, communication problems- whatever it is, go ahead and like and subscribe to our Marriage Helper channel where you'll find playlists and categories of tons of other information that can help you with your specific situation.
(2:24) Here's question number one. Is your spouse a good person? Maybe if your spouse is in the middle of doing something that is bad right now, maybe they're in the middle of an affair, or in the middle of a gambling addiction, or whatever I might be, ask yourself, "Is my spouse a good person who's currently doing a bad thing?"
But at the core of who they are, are they a good person? Because if your spouse is a good person, then they deserve to be rescued and your marriage has a shot at making it work.
Of the thousands of couples that we've worked with here at Marriage Helper (and we've helped the worst of situations) the craziest of situations can result in a saved marriage, Also, we see that 99% of people are good people. They really are. They've just lost their way, or life has taken them in a place where they didn't want to go, and they wish that they weren't there now, but they need help being rescued in coming back to it. That's question one, is your spouse a good person?
(3:30) Question two: what have you tried so far to try and make your marriage work? When people first encounter that resistance with their marriage, when problems start to arise, and especially if they continue to happen year after year, maybe even decade after decade, many people begin to say, "You know what? We just weren't meant to be." A lot of times, people don't really try anything.
There's also this belief in society that we should just marry the right person, and when we marry the right person, things easily fall into place. That's not the reality, but since that's what society seems to be teaching us, it seems that when we first run into that resistance we think, "Well, made the wrong decision. We just need to cut our losses, start over in a relationship that's going to be better for us, and that's going to be the solution to our problems."
Unfortunately, that isn't what ends up happening. Even if you do divorce now, you're going to have problems with the next person, because every marriage has problems. No marriage is perfect because marriage is composed of two people who are flawed. There's no perfect marriage, but you can learn how to make your current marriage fulfilling, satisfying, that soulmate love that people talk about that you have been looking for. I want to encourage you to try something.
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