72 thoughts on “Signs Your Marriage Is Over: The 6 Stages of Marriage

  1. Randy, those are all typical signs of a Chaos Kid. Here are the 5 rules of all Chaos Kids: (This is for a woman, but is true of men too)

    – She says what she doesn’t mean and what she means, she doesn’t say.
    – She believes her needs are more important than your needs.
    – She sells herself as somebody she’s not.
    – Any good thing you do or say, she sees as a threat.
    – She wants what she can’t have and what she has, she doesn’t want.

  2. That was not my intention, these steps also apply to women. I find men very often don’t realize just how unhappy their wives are until they receive divorce papers or she leaves the house. The intention of this video is to help men (and women) identify which step their spouse is on so they can take steps to do something about it before the spouse takes measures to end the marriage.

  3. I always tell my students that when both spouses give up, a marriage is over. How difficult will it be to get your wife back? As a general rule of thumb, the more troubled the two of your childhoods, the longer it will take to repair the marriage. Chances are good your wife is what I call a “Chaos Kid”. If you Google “chaos kid Larry Bilotta”, you’ll see what that means. If you sign up for a complementary phone consultation on one of my websites, I can help you understand this in greater detail.

  4. Yes, both men and women go through these steps. This experience is not unique to only women or men – it’s universal.

  5. The man resists going to counseling.. and we wonder why? Considering the man will always cop 100% of the blame, as this video amply demonstrates. This type of thing should be entitled, “the husband shutting his yap and doing what he’s told, and other exercises for a healthy marriage.” Next up, a group of women complain that more and more men are opting out of marriage.

    1. +Ayam Sirias
      I’ve mentioned it in the comment section below several times, but this video ALSO applies to men as well. The video was just an example for what happens with women, but men go through these stages as well.

    2. +Ayam Sirias You are SOOO Right.  Feminism has changed marriage to MALE SLAVERY.  She says jump, the man must say HOW HIGH.  If you don’t she has the right to cheat without consequences, or FAR worse.;

    3. If Jennifer were still alive she would be ashamed of you. Heee hee.
      And if you feel neglected in a relationship speak the truth. Humans don’t need to be married to survive. If you can’t be honest about what you want, you are not an adult.

    4. I wish I’d had a husband who’d copped to the blame even 50 % of the time. That would be reasonable and allow for improvement. 100% of the time?.Never seen that in the male of the species but then again I don’t know them all. Taking blame 100 % is about as effective as taking blame 0%. They both represent the extreme which doesn’t allow for problem -solving only placing or denying blame.

  6. For 5 years I tried to save the marriage, I was the only one trying. THEN when my love for him died, THEN he wanted to try, I was done.

  7. I do not believe in a point of no return in a marriage. It is a life long contract. It was created to be that way because it has life long consequences called children.
    I understand that there are good reasons for divorce. A relationship going sour is not one of them. At that point, one or both partners have simply stopped trying. It can be turned around, but it is at this point that you need two people who can look beyond their own wants and needs to work for some thing that is bigger than themselves.

    We are so bad at doing that in this “me first” society. Nothing in our pop culture teaches this.

    1. +caracre
      Well, it is nice to wish,  isnt it? I wish the courts were still about protecting the sanctity of the marriage contract.

       You can talk about what is “best for the kids” all you want in a divorce. A two parent family is what is best for the kids in the end.  And you are right. Men have realized the unfairness of favoring the mother over the father. I am one of those.
      I am a real father. I would have gone to jail before I allowed this corrupt system that violated my marriage contract, and is now stealing my money, to then treat me like a second class parent. I worked damn hard to put myself in a situation where I could make good money and still be able to spend time with my family. My unfaithful ex, along with a corrupt legal system, destroyed this. They are now both profitting at the expense of my kids and myself.
      And you want to go back to making it even worse? Well, take heart. In some states they still do favor one parent over the other, and there are a lot of people who get rich off of this. It creates a scenario where the parents are forced to fight over the kids. This prolongs the divorce and racks up the legal fees. There are a lot of people making a lot of money off of that nonsense.

      I cant think of anything more evil.

    2. there is a point of no return and many are at it. if one person refuses to change then u can move forward. or u can but be really unhappy

    3. I disagree. If a marriage goes “sour” it’s probably because you have major differences that only became obvious over time.
      I wasted so much time being dedicated to a crappy marriage to a man who was abusive and wouldn’t work and had no concept of adult life. He also refused to have children and put us in a position where kids coukd never be an option. It’s irritating when people talk as if every marriage produces children. I was married 8 years, no kids. I’m so glad I let my stupid sour marriage go and I am in a relationship with a man who is 100% opposite to my ex and the relationship is refreshingly different and wonderful. I shudder at the thought of an alternate universe where I stayed with my ex and never had this… awful.
      The fact is, it’s just not a big deal to leave a marriage. Assets and kids turn it into a disaster. I had neither of those things because ex was useless. Marriage is just a piece of paper. LEAVE if it will make YOU HAPPIER. I used to buy into that crap for 12 years. I felt almost righteous in the fact I was standing by a shitty marriage, as if I was somehow more mature than people who leave. I felt the guilt too. I felt obligated to stay because of his manipulation and his religion.
      But I should if kicked him out way sooner. One of the best things I ever did and it made me realise that putting myself first isn’t immature or selfish – it’s necessary. It’s healthy. Get off the blame train and just leave a shitty marriage. A bigger tragedy is staying in that situation. Divorce is ok, and it’s legal, and it’s liberating

    4. +Bye Bye Belly
      I have no beef with someone who was in an “abusive” relationship, as you described your first marriage. I realize there are legitimate reasons for divorce. Let me put it this way; if you are going to end your relationship simply because your spouse doesnt float your boat any more, or you simply dont want to put in the hard work that a marriage sometimes requires to be a success, then at least have the decency to break your marriage vows with some integrity.
      If you no longer want to be obligated to your spouse, dont expect them to continue to be obligated to you, either. Women(and occasionally men) who want to walk away from their marriage obligations, and expect continued financial support by their ex partner are selfish, irresponsible people.
      I have no time for that.

  8. Sorry Larry .. as with most like yourself who claim to know all the answers.You are missing vital information.
    In saying that, you have done a better job than other commentators.
    With around 70 to 75% marriages ending by woman. A lot of men don’t see a divorce coming at all. Most woman usually leave a marriage, or relationship with another man “An affair” or have one lined up.

    1. +Jayne Howard that depends. Depends on the man, woman, how they’re wired, and what kind of “domination” we’re talking about. I put “leads” in (…..) for a reason yet, not to be skipped over.  I don’t mean “domination” as in abuse, neglect, though….as I’ve learned over time, many female folk (a few “men” too) want to claim these things when say, a balanced, spiritual counselor would tell them otherwise (like, “knock it off;” i.e., “the drama”) when he/she hears both sides accounts.  

    2. +al karg
      Men need to dominate ?
      Real men don’t need to be told by ” ANY ” woman what to do, Real men should only react when the woman in their life is causing irrational drama.
      Beta “pussyfied” males are a prime example of going along with a woman’s irrational thoughts, and Disney ideas ………

    3. +Jayne Howard
      Yes men need to communicate, but not in women’s “language'”expect to guess what a woman is thinking all the time.
      And words like
      Fine ? when to a woman it means the opposite.
      Nothing ? means something to a woman, but not men.

    4. Yeah that is why a good marriage is hard work. And you aren;t telling me when I ask my boyfriend what he wants for dinner and he says “I don’t care” in a bitchy voice he is being super clear. Everyone has those moments.
      I mean 60-70 percent of all communication is nonverbal. When people are sullen and sarcastic you know they are upset. Because you don’t want to ask a follow up question or pay attention to the context, you assume that you can’t communicate.
      I knew the boy was tired from working doubles from black friday. I asked him how work was. He said “Fine” still sullen. But then I complimented him gave him a hug and looked at his eyes, he didn’t need to tell me everything, but it was more about Knowing him and listening with my body.
      Not all fights are this simple, but if someone doesn’t want to talk, that doesn’t let you off the hook for not providing support. That is when they need it the most. And if they trust you they’ll probably open up eventually, usually when less stressed.
      Just say with your body “If you need to talk I am here. I am not going to try to make it worse. Ill be here even if you don’t talk.”

    1. +Ash Shah I had that problem once…now I hardly ever bother with them. Chatting with old School Chums set my Ex off her rocker, then she ended up getting her mindless and shallow friends involved too. Everything just blew apart, and for no real good reason. Sorry I ever even picked up the technology in the first place! Only thing I use a Cell for now…Work Purposes. No Friends, No Family…just the Boss!

    1. why are you speaking lol…your opinion is meaningless lol..go clean the house, make yourself useful.

    1. +andrea hutton I am glad there are people like you..you give other sad people some hope that it is not hopeless FOR everybody.

    2. Andrea, you are old..this is a new generation. the “dont get married” doesnt apply to you, we are talking to people born in the late 80’s and 90’s.

  9. Because men are afraid to death of divorce they much rather just cheat and live out their sexless marriages women get old and scared to leave so both grow old and unhappy and those are.all those older couples you see in public fighting to the bitter end wishing their mates drop dead before they do. They deserve each other they came to earth to cause each other the pain they live. Both need to learn to get a back bone and seek freedom.

    1. You have choices its up to you to believe or not. We have never been told the real truth when it comes to Jesus and the church, but the bible says the Kingdom of the Heavens is within. Letting Religions of this world brain wash us and turn every religion against each other and hate each other is not from God but from Man!

      Become more spiritual within yourself, use your own god giving brain to lead your own life, I lost my husband to religion because he never needed me he only needed and believed all he is here for is for God, meaning his own idea of what he believes God wants and is. I meant nothing in the end and to this day I and his on boys mean nothing to him because we are not Gods.

    2. You are not alone in your pain. But as I said I believe Jesus and only He can fix the mess in our lives. If you believe He is God then go to the next level of faith and trust Him to restore your marriage. Not to how it was before but how He wills it to be…ever growing in love, endearment and respect. What have you got to lose?

    3. what marriage he became abusive and i was suppose to be a good christian wife and just lay down and take it and wait on God to fix us!…

    4. if you wait for jesus then you will be waiting until you die. Don’t pray and wait for things, get active and take responsibility for your own affairs instead of waiting for others to do things for you. Be honest with yourself too. If things aren’t working make changes, don’t use prayer as nothing will change.

    5. Bernard Guy Nunns
      In response that you said you believe that Jesus exclusively has the answer to marriage problems.
      He well not interfere with free will. If your spouse doesn’t love you, than there’s nothing you can do. You can give all you have, but you can’t survive without some kind of love from your spouse. I have given and given and given but if I asked for sex tonight or tomorrow she would say no. Tonight is New years eve.

    1. I’ve been married 20 yrs and all of a sudden we can’t talk & it turns it me shutting down or I do & we fight – not healthy after 20 happy years..!

    2. rampage30 Mine wouldn’t even even watch it. This is my second marriage, so I know divorce isn’t the answer. I just don’t know what the answer is. I just keep resisting hitting the point of no return…

  10. Wow this video makes me never want to get married . Ever .

    If you aren’t happy in your marriage you have to do what’s right for you to be happy. Life is way too short to spend it with someone you can’t stand anymore or not compatible with . Your happiness is number 1. Time to put you first . There are many other fishes in the sea that could be a better match for you.

    1. Lucie Loo but beware on this

      there is no hollywood super cool husband

      you gonna divorce then what? date the thousands of creepy man with their own negative traits?

      marriage is not the time to make your feeling dramas. you can do that in non-married relationship

      just be sure before divorcing if you arent overexagerating the stuff. are you realist? and whats the plan after divorce? are you sure of it?

    2. lucieloo That sounds like a description of dating. Marriage or any real, intimate relationship involves going into that cavern and confronting yourself, as in star wars.

    3. H Yeah dating evolves into marriage most of the time so saying dating can’t be real or intimate like marriage is asinine. Many people Date for years and live together and have the same life/relationship format as a married couple would have but they are not tied legally. You don’t have an argument.

  11. The attempt by the Husband to save the marriage being driven by desperation rather than love was a great observation and even in non domesticated relationships, this is what is often being done, great video.

    1. Jack Bravo Especially if they have children, he wants to maintain his current relationship with them. No matter who pushes to seperate, it’s the father who ends up moving out into an apartment alone.

      Women initiate divorce most often by a large margin 70% at last count, and not surprising as they have a lot less to lose.

      How many marriages drag on because miserable husbands, who also happen to be fathers, desperately try and hold them together for this reason?

    2. +Dirk DigDuggler
       Yes I agree in the case with children but the wife then uses the children as leverage and power over the man cause she knows she will most likely gain the custody of them and he’ll have to pay and only get to see his kids on a limited time basis. It’s really a sad situation in most of these divorces and two adult people can’t do what’s best for the kids and they put them through more stress and trauma.

  12. I just left my wife of 14 years due to emotional abuse. She suffers from BPD and is out of control. I have tried to help her as she doesn’t actively try and get help. It is hard as I lover her and think she is pretty great in many ways, and I can see her bad behaviours are a part of her illness. But I have run out of strength and energy to continue. I rented my own house and am so much happier already. I honestly think marriage is a terrible idea and not just based on my own experience, but looking at relationships in general….including the good ones. No thanks, won’t be going down that road again.

    1. +Jackie, I wouldn’t say she tried to win me back. She made it clear she wanted me to come back but in no way acknowledged why I had left. It is still very hard at times for me as I remember good things. I have realised though that the brain is horrible in this way, just remembering some good things from the past. Despite how I feel about the good things of the past, I know that the past does not equal the present….the present is my true reality…..and the future also does not equal the present. I do still struggle though as I have no-one I can turn to during this time.

    2. Andrew, I acknowledge all my mistakes and continue working on them. We still share the same bed. Not poking on what he has done to me anymore and just plain talking. He’s still asking for the papers for our separation but i deliberately putting them on hold and try to win him back. Do you think I still have a fighting chance?

    3. Hi again Jackie. It is hard to say as I don’t know the details of the situation, nor do I know your husband personally so I don’t know what he is thinking. If he is the mindset of of “that’s it” in terms of your relationship, I’m not sure there is a way to win him back I’m sorry to say. In my instance I love my wife and many parts of the life we had created together, but my ind has moved on, and it hasn’t been easy. I would have liked to stay in contact with her but her decision was to never have contact again. She has said she won’t agree to a divorce but that is not an issue at present. I hope for you though that you can work something out. Long term relationships ending are devastating to those involved so if things can be fixed that would be good. Good lucj

  13. The main reason most people get together initially is due to sexual attraction. If you are one of these people, save yourself heart ache of getting intertwined in this relationship struggle and just buy yourself a sock and rub one out instead.

    As I have become older I love that the sexual power women had over me when I was a young man has gone. It really is a blessing as I feel I can just think logically rather than with my pants python.

  14. this video is a commercial for women. since the majority of women pursue couples counseling over men, this will pander to their mindset. if it were a mutual commercial it would be gender neutral.

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